Friday, April 19, 2013

It's In The Eye

A friend shared this morning how something flew into his eye yesterday and he was still experiencing a pain and discomfort. He was talking about going to the Emergency Room to see what could be done. I said to him "that happened to me a while ago and I washed my eyes out every hour of the day, when it burned I didn't wipe it, I let it run, an eye can hold a lot of little things in tiny corners".

The moment I finished that sentence I smiled. Wow, I must have needed a pep talk on life. Remorseful that my friend had to go through a painful experience to allow me sight in corners I kept little things, but if only he knew it was worth it.

"Dirt filled the eye like the pain of once seen reality, experienced in the run of a stinging burn, dust in little corners, subject to rub so hard that sight can't even focus on where dust gathers, near blind and still in search for something, lid free with a blink that only occurs every few seconds, making sight blind to all illusions that fill the head in a matter of seconds, forcing a focus, or an escape on mental projected slide shows, prime target for a Birdseye shot that will take out even the highest soar, back tracking through lashes long enough to tell stories that only bare glossy sight, if only the residue could come out, teared up water flows out without control, yet there is not crying"

(c) since 2011 Ebony Larijani

Sunday, April 14, 2013

Mixed Up Thoughts

In the length of sophistication beauty arises to a level of passive labels, like the front page of the Sunday paper that tells me I ought to read the insides, chosen by a group of management responsible people who demonstrate a manner of knowing what the world is eager to read, I ought not fit into a group of writers who assume to know what Sunday is all about, when even I don't know what to expect as I pass the paper in a rush to my favorite part of the grocery store, the fruit section, crossword puzzle me there to alphabet what a red strawberry can do to the hands and lips of a woman in need of wine...

(c) since 2011 Ebony Larijani

Tuesday, April 9, 2013

Empty and Full

There is an emptiness that fills the body, rigid in power of depth, surface of timing to fast and too soon, full of passion, empty by mid way, eager, energetic, black to sight, cool to touch, mint like taste, muse of, sweet, tea-like, fitting for air, smooth and toxic, beatable, acceptable, changeable, upheld, straight, curved in history, stuck, moved, dusty, blow of breath, rise to exit out, peace, love, demeanor, dominating, laughable when in thought, cracked, stretched, positions or maybe habit like positions, poised, placed with that, sided in those...

When a writer feels empty or full, some things still come out in or out of order. Most often when arrange to make sense, other times we just don't...

(c) since 2011 Ebony Larijani

Sunday, April 7, 2013

In The Morning

In the morning when the body rises and the soul settles in the mere knowing of a new day... when the sun shines and the clouds clear way... what do you think in the morning... is there a mindful intake of what the day will be like... are there images of yesterday floating by... is there guilt, relief... is there anything suppressed... are they memories still lingering from years ago... nothing stands still for you, for me, for anyone... the morning will come in due time; perfect time... awe it is morning... my soul is renewed...

(c) since 2011 Ebony Larijani

Friday, April 5, 2013

When He speaks, He speaks

Last night was ruff for me. I rushed through cleaning because I have family coming into town. Tripped over a few things, stubbed my toe, caught an attitude. I say caught as if I didn't have an option to react like that. Why do I do that, wait until the last minute to clean, the excuse I gave myself was that if I had sufficient time my house would be clean all the time. So here I was rushing to clean, then I had to yoga (yes it is a must) then I had homework, and with it being Thursday night you already know what excitement was next. My show Scandal.

By the time all of these things had come to an end it was 11pm. I turned off my TV, put my earphones in my ears and lay my head down. I felt worried, I knew why and so I prayed about it, the thoughts didn't go away so I kept repeating "God please show your presence right now". I felt nothing, a text came through on my phone from a strange number, I had no clue who it was, then another text came through from a friend, we disagreed on some things. Then my son was coughing, allergy season has set in. Here I was tossing and turning and just trying to find some peace. I was in and out of sleep until 5am, next thing I knew my alarm clock was going off. It was a must to hit the snooze button, as I did and rolled over. Five minutes later my son came and got into the bed with me, he loves morning hugs and I do to! We lay there longer than we usually do, by the time my feet hit the floor I was in rush mode.

Once everyone was at school and I was able to read my daily "A Course In Miracle's" reading, it read this... "God is with me throughout the whole day". It goes on to tell me how no matter what I'm doing during the day, God is always in my mind because that is how he created me. The other things that fill my mind are the illusions that I create. I exhaled after reading the last sentence of my daily reading and I kept saying over and over "God is with me throughout the whole day". Next thing I knew someone was handing me an invitation. Wow! Who does that now a days, real invitations, no Evites, lol. I laughed because it brought me joy to open up the envelope. What! "The Blessing of The Lord Be Upon You" is what the front of the invitation said. Who does that now a days, it wasn't the standard you are invited greeting card. I could do nothing but smile, and of course giggle. I have noticed the more I search for God he seems to make me laugh.

Well you can imagine my day is going great now! That voice in the back is trying to change that but I'm determined and all of these signs that I call speech from God is continuing to flow in. Next I surfed over to a blog that I am on frequently. I'm sure you can imagine what it said. It talked about a time when people use to have to 'go' somewhere to pray to God. There were meeting spots or designated places where you would go to in order to give God your attention, but we now realize it is not needed. God IS everywhere, there IS no place without Him.

Today is a great day, beyond all of my negative thoughts, beyond all of the nonsense I see or hear, beyond the rush of life, GOD IS HERE, always, and that is why I know I don't have to search for His peace.

(c) since 2011 Ebony Larijani

Wednesday, April 3, 2013

40 Day Journey

40 day journey...

I came up with the idea to take myself on a 40 day journey when someone expressed his catholic religion to me and his preparation to give up smoking for lent. This man went on and on about how hard it was going to be for him. I loved his honesty and I understood his fear of failure. But what I couldn’t comprehend was why we go into some things thinking this way. Where was the motivational speech, or even better, where was the soul that knows everything is possible.
The day came when the ashes were placed on his forehead and he knew his smoking had to stop. I didn’t know this on day one, but there are better choice of words that we can always use, sometimes we find that out after the breath.

Here he is standing in front of me, ashes on his forehead and he was very nervous, yet proud, overwhelmed, yet excited. The first day of course is the easiest, but moving forward into day two and so on was extremely hard. I decided that I would spend 40 days writing about strangers, and the things we all have in common whether it be habits, fear, joy, etc.

The non smoker was the first person I wrote about, because by his day 3 which started my day 1, the pen shook. It was like my penmanship leaked the nervousness and frustration he held.

I felt as if I wasn’t on the same journey as him though, so I added more, I silently gave something up for 30 days along with my 40 day journey writing. I didn't think it was fair to this man if I didn't, nor was if fair to myself, to watch growth and not stem to be a part of it.

I am giddy enough to say that by day 4 I was a mess myself. Here we sat, two people nervous and dizzy because we are not in balance with what we are used to, the change structured us into believing we could not form.

By day 10 he had people asking him if he was still going without his cigarettes. I bet he wished he was more like me and had kept his journey private so he wouldn't have to face the strange stares from people while they asked him. Okay, really, who am I kidding, the mirror questions that stared back at me were just as hard.

I smiled when he spoke about his crave and his frustration because I wished I was like him with his outspoken nature.

As days turned into weeks I struggled through my 30 days. And I let the pen run wild through my 40 days. I met so many strangers who I became familiar with. Some days I posted the “Stranger writing” on my website and other days I wrote my thoughts in a journal. It was astonishing that no matter who I met or what they were going through somehow we were alike. And if we weren't then we became evenly comfortable with the differences; and that was also alike.

By week 3 I forgot that I was even on this journey, because habit had kicked in and I no longer had to remind myself “don’t do it”. I also no longer forced myself to communicate with strangers just to get a writing. It became a balanced flow. Also by week 3, the non smoker started to lose grip, or should I say he took grip of a cigarette. It wasn't announced and I noticed those of us who knew he had smoked didn't bother to ask him anymore, and he didn't volunteer any inhale or exhale.

Did he fail though? What is failure? If you ask me I really don’t think it exist. The Dictionary says it is a state of failing to do or perform, but he did it for a few days. So I just can’t seem to fit this word into my vocabulary to latch to anything. A half grown flower didn’t fail at growth, it grew didn’t it. A second place winner didn’t fail at winning. A graded paper with a D+ at the top, didn’t fail at completing.

By the end of my 30 day journey I was so excited, I had made it. On day 36, I started the habit again. Why was I still counting, because I knew I didn’t need it, didn’t want it, or had the ability to go without it? Did I fail or not? I obviously changed something within in me to make me aware of day 36 even though it should not have been counted.

So I ask again, what is failure? Did we both fail, or did neither of us?

If we don’t need it at a moment in time we wouldn’t have it or do it, but if that is all we know to do, then that is what we do, whether right or wrong. And in some strange way that makes me think it’s right, for me, for you, for whomever, at that time” ~VM