Friday, February 22, 2013

One Word Is Enough

The restoration of man from the bondage of sin to the liberty of the children of God through the satisfactions and merits of Christ...

There are lost souls seeking something
giving nothing and still wanting something
lost souls are seeking nothing
gaining something
yet understanding nothing
lost souls are lost
not in travel for a correct route
but in mind
in soul
in love
in purity
lost souls are hiding
lost souls are on the rise
lost souls are in the sheets of lust
they are in the stores of shopping with greed
they are in the tunnel of dim vision
I have never seen the sun shine in a tunnel
yet we think this vision is light
lost souls are in the mind
thought of often
and yet walked past
lost souls text the text
and respond with text
lost souls drive in
to spin out and remain on the swerve
of a dotted line
lost souls read what isn't meant to be read
feeling spell corrected and mislead
lost souls zombie the dark
made up to make-up the spot light
lost souls are answering to guilty
and freedom keeps ringing them
lost souls are speaking truth
and laying to lie
lost souls are in the children
broken parents and spit-full words
lost souls are in the churches
in the stands, in their stands they sit
lost souls are on the edge of a jump
a leap, as if we need to be strong enough to conquer
lost souls need nothing
lost souls need not build strength
lost souls have one word
and that one word is enough

(c) since 2011 Ebony Larijani

Friday, February 15, 2013

The Day After

The day after Valentines Day...
Well how was it? Did you wake with joy, was it just another day for you, are your flowers on the floor, are they dead? Are you sick from chocolate? Did you do something different than what the average did on this day? Where you surprised? Did you feel all the bliss of love? Did laughter overcome any gift? All of these things ran through my mind this morning.

I have been doing another self change journey, I do these all the time. Sometimes I get them off the Internet, other times I create my own. This time I choose to remove my eyes from the daily world view. So I have created a month journey where I only view my own Internet pages. It sounds strange maybe, but have you ever noticed how often you 'like' a friends status, or drive and 'like' that tweet, scroll through all those Instagram pics.

With that said I have no idea what anyone else did yesterday. Maybe that's why all these questions filled my mind today? Do I want to know, I'm not sure if it matters anymore, as I am in day 3 with this Internet journey I don't seem to be missing anything. Maybe the fact that society has created Valentines Day to be this big 'love' day, I guess that's why this thought came to me this morning.

I pulled up behind a car yesterday and the license plate read "ConCed" conceited. I didn't judge, this is becoming easier for me not to judge people. Sometimes I have to remind myself and other times it flows naturally. So as I read it my first thought was to love. My next thought was tied into the Journey I created by not looking at any ones Fb/Twitter/Instagram/etc. I thought how easily my lack of that might be misinterpreted. From that thought I began to think about all of the writing I am doing in my second book and how it has my head in a Dictionary at all times. Words, definitions, words, translations, words, thesaurus, words, suggested words, other words used.

And than I just reflected on life, the way the mind thinks, how quick it moves. Just as quick as these sentences right after another are a bit all over the place, but it reflects the thoughts. Another writer might think this is too wordy or not paragraphed well. But in the end, whether it be in life or just a day, there are circles happening. Some more intense and dizzy than others and some sharp and a bit more cornered.

I'm just enjoying life and trying different things. How else will I know what works best for me?

(c) since 2011 Ebony Larijani

Tuesday, February 12, 2013

Are You Ready

Are you ready I asked myself and I struck the pen to the paper
are you ready for the undoubtable challenges that will come
prepared for the unprepared happenings
are you ready to be still when shots of armored soilders set fire
are you ready for the pain of the joy
are you in the mind frame of confident, not doubt
are you in eager of what is to come
are you attracting the positive
have you let go of negative findings that are nothing more than feelings
are you ready to strike or be struck down
are you prepared for everything that you could ever imagine
are you ingaged in the humility to remain humble
are you ready, because you will never be
and that is the journey, the end has yet to come

(c) since 2011 Ebony Larijani

Monday, February 11, 2013

Who Created Your Facts

Last night I talked about my experience at the VS Pink Private Shopping Spree, just briefly I wrote about it on my personal facebook page. My status was pretty long, both silly and fun. One thing I pointed out was that for the past few months I have been wearing the wrong bra size. Ladies, if you have never been measured for the correct bra size I encourage you to do so, it makes a difference in comfort.

Back to my bra size! When I mentioned that my size is actually BIGGER than I thought, I got a text from one of my female friends who shared how I am so lucky, because she is still in a SMALLER bra size. Who created her facts?!

I needed her to know that being bigger or smaller meant nothing. I needed to remind her that if someone made her think that her small breast were not worthy of something then she has been taught wrong. I needed her to know that it no longer matters to me if any part of my body is big or small, because that is what I have taught myself. I needed her to turn off her television, turn off her radio. Meditate on beauty, real beauty that comes from being herself. I needed her to do mirror affirmations. I needed her to dance in the mirror naked and comfortable. I needed her to be her.

Isn't it amazing that we never know how our status's, words, etc affect different people. I wondered who else got the wrong impression from my status? I want to tell you that being comfortable with thyself and loving thyself can be confused with being conceited if the person looking at your comfort and self love don't have it for themselves.

(c) since 2011 Ebony Larijani

Friday, February 8, 2013

Sit In The Space, Don't Sulk In The Void

A moment of honesty, so I decided to write about it.

I could never sit
not even as a child
I assume that's where I got the nickname 'boom'
I was told that I was so sure about walking that I took off at any chance given
and in a matter of moments
boom I went
why couldn't I just sit
I wonder if it hurt the first time
did it hurt Ebony
I wouldn't be able to answer that question
I was too young then
although I have found a book that takes you back to infant age and allows you to experience feelings you didn't realize you hid
oh well, who cares right now
so I didn't sit, I'm not sitting now either
I can't, I don't like it
to just sit
I use to love Admin positions
I don't any more
I don't think I have told myself that though
typing from my desk
I move around often
take trips to the bathroom and all the other departments
not to chat though
there is a lot of space here so why not walk around
I desire to be seen
I've always blamed it on the Leo in me
I'm no Lion though
a preacher a while ago told me I was
and I think for an entire day I felt so powerful yet calm
I carry their characteristics
my hair can be blow dried to the point of fluff
I love that look too
and my "I Love My Hair" shirt matches it perfectly
there's a void though
there has always been one
something is always missing
something will always be missing though
in my life, your life, their life, his life, her life, the entire world is missing something
a new pen, a dog, a cat, a bill, a dollar, a car, a spouse, a friend, a family member
I missed something the other day
can't even remember what it was
again, who cares
I sulk in voids
cause its not the missing things that bring me pain
it's the void
did you not know voids are things
they are late night drinks to soothe the thought
I've seen a friend love that void
they are unwanted/needed friends with benefits
seen that void too
they are drugs, it is shopping, it is food, it is lies, it is thoughts
it is too much for me to handle I am starting to notice
cause I don't write the checks here
I don't even have checks anymore
everything is automated
so why void
sulking in the void
because we know we don't need it
we know we would be better off without it
but it does fill something
what is it filling though
cause its nothing like what's missing
it's like a low grade of what is missing
I don't want to sulk anymore
so I can't do voids
I make it sound like a drug huh
I guess in a sense it is
it's an addiction to fill
I'm full though, I have no more desires...

(c) since 2011 Ebony Larijani

When Life Shifts

Here it is morning time and my mind is minding its thoughts, they are good thoughts though. I was just reading all of my inspirational emails/blogs/letters/books/bible/etc that I like to start each day with. They either change me or move me to write.

I have done a lot of reading in my adult hood and I have been noticing things about myself along the way. Sometimes I choose long books, 200 plus pages and I'm so excited about it as I begin to read, and then something happens. I seem to end; not the book but I just put it down unfinished. I come across another book and I get just as excited about that one, and then another and another and another. In a week I am sure that I am picking up 7 different books and reading a little bit from each of them.

A few weeks ago I read 2 short powerful books in 2 days. I noticed that I felt more of an accomplishment when I read shorter books, with pages less then 50. Of course I did because I was completing them. And there is something about the word completion that us humans love. But these big books had things in them I needed to hear too. I figured I would be hard on myself and only read one book at a time and keep myself from picking up another book until I finished one. Now this idea sounded good, but I am not one of those people that can sit down and just read an entire book in one day. So there went that idea out the window. Then I told myself the problem is I just don't have time to fulfill this desire to read. Two days later I came across the book "So You Don't Have Time". This time I had to laugh at myself, because again there went that excuse out the window.

So I gave up on thinking finishing a book or not was an accomplishment or failure. I dazzled in the time I did have to read, I judged not in the time I was suppose to be reading but didn't. I just read when I read and when I didn't, well I just didn't. This care free attitude made me realize it wasn't about gaining knowledge, it was more about experiencing it. Whether it was coming to page 1 of 300 or 20 of 20. I was reading for the words that made me shift, literally in my seat, with my pen/journal and in my life. I think it was the still moments in between that had me venture off to a different book or in search of a new book. Was I doing this in life too? Was I becoming bored with relationships, daily schedule, career, etc. Was I a person that was too quick to pick up and force change, instead of going through life sticking it out until 'it' made me shift?

I always give myself a project on Monday mornings that I plan to work on throughout the week and so next week I will focus on the shifts. Not all of the things in between, but the shift.

(c) since 2011 Ebony Larijani

Friday, February 1, 2013

The Stranger

The stranger was a man, a strange man to me at first, this man was eager on his morning walk, where he was headed I never knew, I passed him doing at least 35mph or so, this man was waving to cars as they drove by, smiles and full of spontaneous force, up hill nothing took him off his course, this stranger flashed me back to a memory, oh wait we have met once... once upon a time, I remember back when, I was at the gas station frustrated off of what they would find, stepped out of my car to gasp air and change my mental fines, the stranger here he was again, only this time our feet were matched it wasn't my tires against his steps, I noticed his immediate comfort look, as if I was his child, friend or even old buddies on fishing hooks, he smiled and stopped just to chat, we were strangers, he made us friends, we all were strangers, the other customers in line with me, but we all became close, sharing why we were here, and all about our family, I love this moment of pure relation, love found, like we are on heavens grounds... I see this stranger every morning as he regulates his regular route, and I smile because he is morning's rise without a doubt, I long to sit with him again, connect on levels and share like friends, I want to know did pain bring him to this character he is, did he fight for our country once, does he have kids, has he ever cried, has he experienced wealth, is he married or does his passed away wife grace his shelf, he is old enough to be like a grandfather to me, I long to by this strangers side, and connect again, as his daily walk changes my morning ride...

(c) since 2011 Ebony Larijani