Wednesday, November 28, 2012

Bare Naked

The intamicy of bare naked allowed me to feel it deep, the raw feeling of truth, the immediate connection of whatever was within, the beauty, the uncomfortable feeling, the awareness, the self, the wetness of water, the place to stand weak, warm and cold, the fear felt without clothing to hood over the head and hide, the worry felt without a sweater to wrap tight and hold close, the confusion, the hate, anger and more, awe the smile, the focus, the blessing of being able to take another's pain and reach deep within to share it, the stranger, the neighbor, the enemy, the friend, the mother, father, spouse, children, awe the awaking of going this deep within, the giggle of coming out of the gap, the memory of, the shower, the place to wash away, dry off and walk away

(c) 2011 Ebony Larijani

Tuesday, November 20, 2012

Breathe Worth Kept

I have been meditating for quite some time now. It takes me to a quiet breath focused moment for several moments. I have realized many things from meditation, but one thing that I realized this morning is that the intake and outtake is normal. It is everything in between that can cause an adjustment. The thought, the voice, the sight; all of these things can adjust the breath if I allow.

I conversed with you
I listened to you
I adjusted, my seat that is not my mood
I smiled even though you did not
I wondered, not pertaining to breath
I expressed and I gave examples
I listened for your understanding
I received none, oh wait... no none
I accepted your way
I kept my tone
I changed stations
Not to suit you
I imagined, still focused though
I reached a communication end
And kept all other breathes
inhale, exhale... the beauty of breath

(c) 2011 Ebony Larijani

Monday, November 19, 2012

The Heart, Not The Mind

For years I followed my mind, the very thing that has directed me to places that the heart nearly died from. I 'thought' that what it told me and where it guided me must have surely been the route that I was suppose to be on. But when I found out that I was born lead by love, yet raised to beleive the mind, so many things became mixed up.

When I tell you that I am mindful it does not indicate that I'm guided by my thoughts. It indicates that I am concious of my thoughts and do not ignore them. Have you ever had something or someone in your life that haunted you the more you ignored? Well that is what the mind will do to you if you try to ignore the truth that it is telling you. The mind does not lie so listen to it carefully and focus on it often. What it tells you whether negative or positive it holds truth, it is in its correct state at each moment.

It bothers me often when someone says "that is such a bad thing to think, don't think that". Well I'm here to rearrange that statement. I want you to think that, I want you to understand why you are thinking that and what you feel from thinking that. It may take a million negative thoughts before you realize that they are not lies, they are just human expressions that can give you a boost back to where you were born from.

You were born from love and love comes from the heart. Be mindful so you may understand why you think what you think, but always turn back to your natural state, which is of the heart and the heart holds an abondant amount of love.

I was mindful yesterday
when I felt the need to experience pain
I was careful yes, but mindful
I was weak to speak
Because of what I heard
I was taken into a sense of familiar
I was withtaken from a moment
I was mistaken, now awaken
I think I thought my heart would damage
Making path unable to be lead
I know I wondered if my mind was hearing correct
I lost sense of time, until the butterfly flew
I lost my path, until the wing appeared damaged
I thought of how silly they would sound
To tell me I had a butterfly on my head
I pictured the caterpiller it once was

(c) 2011 Ebony Larijani

Wednesday, November 14, 2012

The Many Signs

"Work Truck, Do Not Follow" that is what the sign said on the truck in front of me. Here I am again, breaking down words; taking the first one - work. I thought well if you are doing work and I assume large work being that you are a truck, then why would I want to follow you anyways? Why does that word work make me think hard labor, instead of constant study.

Don't we always zoom around these big trucks who either drive to slow or are too big to see over. What am I upset for though as I zoom around them. They are doing what they were built to do, drive and with all of the weight they hold can I expect them to go any faster. So yes in my thought right now work seems bad, heavy and routine. But work can also be a constant move, doesn't have to be fast or slow, just on going.

I purposely stayed behind this truck as I thought "do not follow", follow, what do you mean follow. I am not following you, I am simply driving behind you. Where are you going that you think one wants to follow. Or do you mean "do not ride close" is that what follow defines here. Then this I can understand because too close to you and I may run into the back of you. To close to you and I may not be able to flow with the traffic, again causing a break should I need to hit my break. You may stop frequently or something may fall off your truck.

Eventually we came to a stop light and water began to roll out the back of the truck, it is brown water from all the dirt covered on this truck, but I'm not so focused on the dirt. I'm really focused on the fact that if I follow anyone, anything, then my flow through life is not free. I was filled with glee when I took note to how easily the water came out the back of the truck, slid down and dripped off the bottom to hit the ground. I meditated on the smoothness of unguided flow, nothing forced.

Are you working, are you weighed down like a truck, are you following...

(c) 2011 Ebony Larijani

Tuesday, November 13, 2012

Lost In Art

I have never read a book on Shakespeare, until it was given to me. Now I can't put it down, fascinated and completely admired.
I never finger painted as an adult, until I bought some. Now I lay on my floor some night and make a beautiful mess.
I never wrote nothing in my journals, until I noticed it felt odd and then felt better than calling a friend.

(C) 2011 Ebony Larijani

Thursday, November 8, 2012

Leave The Thought Process

Lately I have ventured into writing without thinking. I know that doesn't sound logic, but to those that have done it, you understand. It was hard for me at first to be given a word and told to write until the page runs out, yet write without thinking.

What is funny is that once my hand started moving and words were scripting it wasn't until I began to 'think' wow I can do this, that I lost script.

This powerful mind of ours, I feel like in younger years we are taught to fill it, educate it and feed it with so much knowledge. Now in my older days I am finding I am supposed to leave it and move without it and that is the true power. Not to train the mind, but to overcome what it has been accustom to all these years.

I left, yet I was there, not here, but there, in the gap, not in the middle, not of center space, not in outer space, but in the complete bliss of silence, noise on dem, no darkness, yet dark, clear view, nothing memorable, nothing to take back with me, but mere being, in my being, with fulfillment to know my way back, the breath-taking level of being in breath, eliminating, but no limiting...

(c) 2011 Ebony Larijani

Tuesday, November 6, 2012

I Don't Want A Watch

What am I doing with this watch, I have no time to watch, who uncovered the clock, I don't want to say what has time for this and what has knot's, laced up shoes I'm on my spot, ready to run, but why clock, my time is precious and I need not watch, turning back the hands or adjusting digital clocks, you don't control the ready set go stop watch, tick-tock, I'm not adjusting my spot...

(c) 2011 Ebony Larijani

Monday, November 5, 2012

Notes of Notes

I bought a book today, it is full of small notes that reflect on Love and Courage. I couldn’t resist, my mind was spinning and my hand began to move as the pen sketched across the pages. Not my notebook pages, but the pages of the book. I seem to be doing that lately, writing within the pages of purchased books. I felt guilty at first, my script will keep me from being able to lend it. But something comes over me when I write right on the pages. My pen pours out ink with a different level, you know the medium, thin.

I thought of self as I read the notes and I script about self too. I wasn’t embarrassed about feelings, I let them all ride. Whether they were good/bad, past/present, nothing future for I was relating to these notes and so I had to know the experience well.

It took courage to write the notes I did about myself and it took love to be so honest. Now what will it take to lend the book anyway even though my personal notes sketch the pages.

(c) 2011 Ebony Larijani