Thursday, March 28, 2013

Air In The Ear

There is an area in the ear that is filled with nothing, it leads to the mind that comprehends nothing. It brings a feeling of smooth desire, like wind on a summer day. It took me a long time to find this air, it is not blown like the pain of an infection. It is more like the pull back of curtains in your home, and the light whisk of a cracked window during spring. The plants know how to lean towards it should the leaves become grown enough to reach for sight...

(c) since 2011 Ebony Larijani

Sunday, March 24, 2013

The Cup Of Tea

Not everything is sturdy enough to hold it in lavish hotness. The end of the tea bag just dangles like it has no other place to go, I see it sway back and forth, I assume the exhales of my own breath are doing that, or maybe it's the people walking by blowing a soft wind in there steps. I hope they don't cool my tea with their wind. I am a bit cold and need the warmth. I can't see if the cup is empty from my view but I do know I have been taking sips as I sit here. Cappucino is what the outside of the cup says and guess what, I do not like Cappucino's, lol. I find that funny that I drink from the cup of written script that takes me to a taste of "ewww". It is so cold outside; hence my reason for sitting at a dinning room table with the blinds pulled back so I can see what is calling me to come out and live a little. But it's hard when your piled down with a coat or hunched over trying to keep any bit of warmth that you can. That's what my tea is for, I left it a few sentences ago, I always do that, take an object and then focus on everything around it but I should be focusing on what's in it. My tea is stuck in a bag, dipped in hot water just to get it stirred up to dilute the water into something that alone the water could not do. Dips in and out, it's so hot in there, blows to sip and exhales to soothe the after affect. I love tea time.

(c) since 2011 Ebony Larijani

There Isn't A Place To Knot Right

There isn't a place that my words knot to the point that I can't write. I avoid the need to make things right in the script of write. I allow whatever flows to flow. Words may not always be used correctly, but they are used. I despise the apology that I often have to give to the Dictionary as I turn it's pages and realize weeks ago I misused some things. I still remain knot less, because I can not hold in the thoughts that roam my mind. I need not make excuses if I am sitting or standing in places I need not go.
My writing is done to find out where I sit and what it means when I stand. These realizations come and go. I sit in a room that I don't own, and I want to close my eyes, but in doing so I begin to write from the feelings that I find while sitting in the room. Something may move or adjust and I will miss it with my eyes closed. So I opened them and allowed sight to right me so that I could write me. I didn't know what I wanted to find, yes I did. I wanted to find the things that were not there. Isn't that ironic, we always want to find what isn't there. And of course it isn't there, that's why we are fools to think we need to find it. What is there though, how come we can't focus on that? So today I did....

I found a knot in my belt, a knot in my laces and I laughed, I untwisted the knot to find the only part of the lace that had no dirt, it was so tight and enclosed that no damage/dirt reached it, my belt was only worn at the edge of the knot, but within there was still a shinny clean dent free, unworn piece of fake leather, no holes... who put these knots here, certainly there wasn't a place to knot right...

(c) since 2011 Ebony Larijani

Sunday, March 17, 2013

It's Not Back To Normal, It's Acceptance

This weekend I accomplished so much. I paused to look back over the weekend, as if it's that long to look back over. Compared to the week it seems so short. Just as I wrote this a friend on facebook wrote "I never get anything done on the weekend". How true is that, even though I felt so accomplished I did not do much, yet I did.

Usually Sunday nights I sit in my bed and I can feel my mind indicating that I didn't have enough weekend time, that I would now have to suffer through the week just to get to another weekend. What a large amount of wasted time if I didn't accept something different than this thought/feeling.

I can't even say how many things I get done during the week. I will give you a hint though, each week I come up with a goal, something that I promise myself to do daily for the week and I have been doing this for months and I have not failed yet on the goals set. I just didn't notice because I was too busy focused on getting passed Monday-Friday.

I don't work though, sitting in traffic is a meditation time for me, and the clouds always float perfectly for my view. I check emails with an intent that I have an opportunity to be very detailed with my reading and read fully through instead of skimming like I usually do. Typing/writing during the day is my chance to use my skills that classes are teaching me. Grammar/spelling is actually tough, using common words is not the level I desire to stay at. Lunch breaks are for rejuvenating, there is a beautiful train track near by and it always blows by, I think its cute on the days my hair blows.

Tonight I sit here feeling great! I accepted all I did this weekend with just enough time given to get done. I had a fantastic weekend. As I was sitting here reading I thought "wow, I don't feel frustrated about the upcoming week, I'm back to normal, no this isn't normal, this is acceptance" and as you see from a thought I picked up my talkative little friend (the pencil).

(c) since 2011, Ebony Larijani

Sunday, March 10, 2013

Words On Top Of Words...

I tried something new today, actually I tried two things. I went 'earthing' and I wrote poems in the newspaper. If you don't know what earthing is, it's when you lay on the grass, take off your shoes and cuddle, roll and everything else you would do in the comfort of your bed. It is done to bring peace and to help you feel grounded in life. You can add extra things like earphones, pray, smiles, kids, etc. Or it can be just you and the grass. One day I plan on trying nothing but dirt, that will be fun to write about.

So here I am earthing and I decided to try the next new thing. I wrote poems on the pages of a news paper. As I wrote the poems I had to do it based off of the words that caught my eyes in the newspaper. It can create some strange writing, but it was fun.


Words on top of words, we all dotted and curved, we used each other in many good ways, to broaden the mind on what to portray, there are a lot of words in this paper I never realized, what time and attention it takes to put these together, I wonder what the publishers face would look like now, to know I never read an entire article, just a few words to guide and encourage...

(c) since 2011 Ebony Larijani

Friday, March 8, 2013

Oh No! Change The Channel

I fell asleep last night while watching a show on ABC, yes I admit. Scandal has me attached, it is the only time I either turn on my TV or change from my usual Animal channel, Travel channel, or Oprah's channel. (balanced, that's what I call it)

What a displeasing channel to wake up to this morning. Hearing about shootings, deaths, fires, lost children, etc. I drifted in and out of sleep, too comfortable to get up and change the channel, yet beyond disturbed by what I was hearing. I know what your thinking, "where is the remote". It's gone, by choice, it keeps me active on some days. Anyhow, I soared from having 5min nightmares to wondering if I was dreaming. I sat up to realize it wasn't a dream. I grabbed my earphones, turned on my cell to my guided morning meditation and went 'within'.

Awe! Now this is the type of morning I am eager to rise for. You may think I'm avoiding reality, but I am not. I have just noticed that someone had an idea to play all of the negative things to us in the morning while we get ready for work, and then they play it again when we come home from a hard days work. Even the traffic reports are horrific, lol. If we all weren't in a rush to get to different places at the same time don't you think there would be no traffic. Who came up with all of this anyway?

Am I lost in a dream, why is it changing so fast, I hear the sounds of crash... I am not aware of who hit hard, no clue as to what is going on, just voices and feelings that are rising me to the morning sun, but this rise doesn't feel like a good one, no warmth, no love... how dare you, society that is, to put this up so early, do I need to know all of this, I mourn for the loss of life, gratitude to still have mine, celebrate in the souls that sit with the Heavenly Father... but again I say, society how dare you... there are other things going on I surely know, the fact that I have to dig through your dirt to find them is selfish of you... how can we rise if what we hear is of no love, because of you I limit my choice of channel search, the other channels simply love me...

(c) since 2011 Ebony Larijani

Wednesday, March 6, 2013

The Reflection Is Different

I sat in the window for a long time today, watching the snow fall. The reflection in the window was only momentary. If the sun shined the right way or if someone walked up behind me that I could see myself. It was off and on, I didn't pay it much attention. As the day went by I moved to another part of the house and pulled out my journal, sometimes if I sit under the light in my "writing corner" of my room there is a shadow that reflects down on my journal. I have to change position to keep it or to get it to move out the way.

I move to the living room now, curious to see if these different rooms give me different things to write. The reflection in the living room came off my mini Netbook, I smiled when I saw it, my hair was so wild and all over the place. I could see each curl in the reflection, with the window behind me all that graced my background were branches. I was not in my living room, that was for sure!

What a cool experience, I'm glad I noticed all of this. It's nothing special if you don't make it. Sure we all know reflections and shadows exist, but to really see them is very liberating. I sit here typing and feel as if these branches behind me are literally here. I feel like I'm camping maybe, or just sitting in the woods writing a novel. No one else in the room is seeing this with me and they are all right here with me. That is why miracles are so delightful, we create them ourselves and others don't always realize them. Those are the best ones, when you sit with a smile on your face and joy in your heart and know the miracle is happening.

Well thank you for allowing me to share my miracle today, I hope you were able to use it as your imagination until you are moved to create one for yourself and others.

(c) since 2011 Ebony Larijani

Tuesday, March 5, 2013

It's In My Mix

I am so proud of myself. I usually never say that, but I can say it now. I will say it again "I AM SO PROUD OF MYSELF" I have kept to my eating habits and increased them so much that it has become a part of my lifestyle! That is a confirmation of transformation.

I feel like a beautiful mature woman now when I enter the grocery stores. I have managed to change my store preferences from the usual Bloom, Giant, Safeway to Whole Foods, Global World and Vitamin World. I am so happy when I stroll down these aisles. I don't know what it is about healthy shopping but you seem to also come out of the store with extra information. The other customers are eager to share a recipe or a food that is full of great stuff!

I am slowly but surly changing my children over to, but they don't always know it. I sneak things in the dinners I make like flax seed, chia seeds, etc. I ordered pizza for them the other day and I was tempted to sprinkle something healthy on it. As I walked past the pizza box on the counter I had no urge to eat it, I only became grateful that its not something I am purchasing every Friday night and filling our bodies with.

This summer I have many travel adventures planned that will take me close to nature and I feel my body is so excited to not only be healthy within, but to have the opportunity to touch earth.

This isn't about right or wrong, we all have a choice of what we intake, whether it be food, relationships, jobs, etc... we have a choice and the choice is beneficial in all ways... whether you change today or not... when the change happens... you will see that a change in any area of life reflects to other areas as well... and before you know it... you have created a lifestyle for yourself and it's a proud one...

(c) since 2011 Ebony Larijani