Caught Myself Loosing the Moment

I was driving into work this morning, scrambling through the channels, singing whatever sounded good on the radio. With the rush of energy from recording the night before still in my blood I plugged in my own tunes and drifted off into delight hearing my own voice through the speakers. I kept one poem on reply, I like it that much.
I thought to myself "wow, why can't everyday be this traffic-free". I immediately stopped myself after reading an article about how we don't live in the moment. We say things like "I hope it is this warm tomorrow", "I wish I could eat this everyday", "I hope he calls me again tomorrow". Instead of being in joy of the that fact it actually is happening.
I turned my volume up even louder and I enjoyed the traffic-free drive in! I enjoyed every moment of it and I never again repeated "why can't" because it certainly was!
In moments are so liberating and moving, especially when you catch yourself actually having a moment.

I did it, wished I had something that I did for that moment, I wow'd myself in fact, realizing how enjoyable the moment was, who cared what the next days brought, or what the last days were fought with, I had it, in present time, it was mine to enjoy and I lived it...

(c) since 2011 Ebony Larijani

Get Involved - Children's Hospital Donations

On Jan 4th, Vivid Mirror Reflections and other Organizations/Business's will gather to take coloring books, crayons, and stuffed animals to Children's Hospital.
If you would like to participate in any way please send me an email:

vividmirror@yahoo.com

God Bless...

The Peace of Being this Holiday

What a spectacular time I had this holiday season, from Thanksgiving all the way through Christmas and now into the new year. How pleasant it was to "just be", I noticed so many things around me and different characteristics in family/friends. I know the lack of judgement coming from my thoughts played a huge role. I spent Thanksgiving with my father and all of my children and brothers and sisters. If you know my history then you would question where my smile came from that day.Well it came from love, that was all I had to give and in return all that was filled back. Laughter filled our table and stories tapped through the forks as if the glasses were being hit with delight. I was in bliss during a time that use to captivate me in rigid anger.
Christmas just passed and there were less people at my Grandmas house this year, due to some not being able to travel that far. It was pleasant for me though, it was an opportunity for me to sit at the adult table. I have the most children out of my siblings so usually I volunteer to sit at the kiddie table. What a delight, I forgot about the things adults talk about. My older brother encouraged me to share a story of the things that I have been doing lately and it was a great set up for lots of laughter at the table. I wanted to roll on the floor with excitement like the dog that lay under my feet, even my moms dog got to join in on the fun! My ride home was not that lonely thing that I usually dread with the kids fighting in the back seat, I had my big brother with me and what a delight we had blasting the radio playing songs that our parents once listened to. I guess we pulled out our age card. I must have cuddled with my youngest and played tons of video games once we got home until I wanted to stop but kept going. Wow, life is amazing in moments.
Here we are now approaching New Years, I spoke about this on my Internet Radio Show that I host every Wednesday and Saturday live at 9pm, if you have ever missed it please check it out, www.blogtalkradio.com/fluentmotion I spoke about how I don't make a Resolution, it is too damaging for me, it puts me in a place of constant stress on myself. To resolute to do something specific just for a new year. I can't do that to myself. Instead I take baby steps with it. I take each day at a time and therefore I am always striving to be better. I fail and I have accomplished laughing at myself or crying with myself. My mirror affirmations have taken a whole new high on my life, I love them in the morning, at work, at night, where ever, when ever.
Well, I just wanted to stop for a moment and say I hope you are enjoying your holidays, no matter where you are or what you are going through, just be...

(c) since 2011 Ebony Larijani

The Past Is Not Here

In the book "A Course In Miracles" it speaks about how if we are always thinking about the past and allowing the present moment to reflect the past, then we are in an illusion. Nothing is real. We may see a text message from someone and we are reminded of a past experience. We may hear words from a friend and it takes us back to a time when.

What if for the present moment, everything that you experience can be as if it has never happened before, because in fact it has not. That is when you live in the present moment and that is how love conquers over all else. Have you ever had an enemy speak to you and because you have labeled them enemy based off past experiences, how will you ever hear what they are saying in present moment? You will not, because everything that comes out of their mouth is in your mind "coming from an enemy". And when you hear the word enemy all of your guards go up, so you are not hearing their words as you should, without any past attachments.

Take some time today to be present. And let everything that is happening to you be happening for the first time, even if your mind says "this has happened to me before"


(c) since 2011 Ebony Larijani

To be 10 Again...

Last night on my blog talk radio show I read a poem titled "10 Again". We asked callers to write something about being 10yrs old again and all of the submissions were great. One thing we came to realize was...
~ I would like to think kid like when boarding a plane so that the anxiety would be removed
~ I dedicate myself to being kid-like at least once a day
~ We all have an inner child within us that wants to play
~ Don't let life become so fearful that you tuck a child within, cornered to the illusions

Here is my poem:
I removed all the rawness from my spine, one vertebra at a time, until my age aligned one plus nine, I was 10 again as if I mirrored an image on what imagination can pretend, delicate to a woman's glare, improper in heels I wiggled a bit, lipstick smeared, I'm the cutest little mess, but I'm 10 so to play like this is the joy of being a kid again, but what if at age 10 I had to be mommy, cook clean and nothing is pretend, I'm caring for siblings and I'm tired, I can't pretend, but you won't find a smile on this face if I have to clean again, my little sister looks up to me and I'm only 10...I'm 10 and this little boy has a sharp edge on his back because daddy is gone and I have to be that, I'm only 10 but I'm man or at least that's what they think of me because I'm filling in for his position, they bad mouth that real man, the one who stayed long enough to keep getting in mommy's pants, until I was the conclusion... I'm only 10 and this seems innocent but I know it only takes one time and I'm a child having a child of mine, I'm scared, I'm only 10, puberty is like a pink rose, I'm that innocent within... I'm only 10 this is supposed to be a time to let my hair wind, to lay by the seashore and be everything I can imagine, is this 10?... my the years have flown by since I blew out all of them, candles and cake, presents from friends, what a joy to be 10 as my minds rumbles through many of them...

(c) since 2011 Ebony Larijani

Free to love

For who you are, not what you could be or what you aren't, but who you are from your soul, that is how I see you and that is why I am filled with gratitude in moments with you, thank... you... in the deepest form of love, may peace be upon you, sustained in piano keys of life, the black and the white, press on, so the sound may music through and all keys and patters of beat will willow through, the tune of I love you...

(c) since 2011 Ebony Larijani

That word...

Yes, I did it. I used a word on live radio that I knew was not correct term. It was more slang and most often slang can be the insulting version of the correct word. For instance not many Police Officers like to be called Cops.
I am sure you are waiting to hear my word, so here it goes. I can't believe I have to say it again.... Bum! Yes I used that word instead of Homeless. I did not even realize it until my sharing host said something to me during our break. I was mortified! How could I have done that, I was speaking nicely about how I helped the homeless person. I wasn't sure whether I should bring it up again and apologize, I mean we had already moved onto the rest of the show. Do I act like nothing was said, I wondered if it was muffled or clearly heard. CLEARLY heard she told me. Oh great. It has been eating me up for days, not because I used it. But because I didn't explain behind it that it is the word I use when I see a homeless person and I have dedicated myself to work on using the proper word. Because if shoes were to change feet I would want the same respect.

(c) since 2011 Ebony Larijani

Breast Cancer

http://www.blogtalkradio.com/fluentmotion/2013/10/31/breast-cancer-survivor-weaving-her-way-to-joy

It's Friday

It's Friday and there is always a racket of thunder roaring through the halls, the vibe of employee walks seems to be a bit more upbeat, is it the weekend plans, are we just thrilled to get away from the 9-5 land, at what point on the weekend do we dread returning again, who said we had to hate Mondays and love Fridays, what do the people love that work half days, what excites the mother that stays at home or the man who is teleworking from the comfort of his man cave, what is the thrill about good ole Fridays, I'm not quite thrilled at the moment, rather pissed that i woke up at 6am and i guess that Friday vibe hasn't hit me yet, cause I'm in that 8am zone of staring at the clock and wondering how long the tick will tock just to get me to 5pm, or wait i forgot today I'm leaving early, so maybe a thrill has shivered up my spine, arched my back and made my chair incline, you aught to know I'm not going to get anything done from this angle

(c) since 2011 Ebony Larijani

Fluent Motion

Please tune in every Wednesday and Satuday at 9pm
www.blogtalkradio.com/fluentmotion
718-508-9625
For contact information - fluentmotion2013@gmail.com
www.fluentmotion2013.wix.com/fluentmotion

A Nightmare of a Dream.... the highlights of life

I had a dream last night, it is too personal to share, but I wrote about it in poetic and outrage form. It was amazing, I sent it to a friend who is a poet also and she replied to it with powerful words. Have you ever exhaled so many words only to turn and take them all back in, filling your mind enough to cloud any area of doubt that this was the end of pain. I feel amazing, thankful for a dream that I turned nightmare when I rose with an gasp. 

My hair was a mess today because of it, for I could not stop thinking about it as I prepared for my day. I couldn’t even look myself in the mirror without saying “stop thinking about it”. It wasn’t until I had enough of self talk that I decided to let it go and I did, we did. I see now why God places certain people in our lives at certain times. I needed my poet friend today, no one else would have created words so powerful. They hit my eyes so hard that they began to shed water, isn’t that amazing, to release water from your eyes to wash away everything that once made them cry. 

I saved it, the writings we did today. I want to take them further, maybe place them in the book that I have been writing for a year now. I love taking my time with writing, had I rushed I would have messed a very important word….. Freedom

(c) since 2011 Ebony Larijani

Writing Assignment, Week 2

In your journal, write down a list of at least five to ten nouns and five to ten adjectives as you observe a scene at home, work, or in your community.

1. microwave
2. glass
3. book
4. stove
5. dog
6. lamp
7. desk
8. rug
9. sock
10. paper

1. hot
2. cold
3. dark
4. round
5. dirty
6. long
7. wet
8. white
9. black
10. sheer

"A poets mind can wrap around assignments with great delight in allowing the use of words to transform thought... I was prepared to waist space in my journal and think about things that I needed to break from, like every day life and just be free to rotate around an assignment that made me silence my mind long enough to educate"

(c) since 2011 Ebony Larijani

Writer's Time

I don't know whether to call it procrastination or writer's block, so I decided to make it sound great and I call it writer's time. It when I take that long break of not writing anything in my blogs/websites. I hope it doesn't discourage you from visiting time to time. I don't do it on purpose, but I have learned that my best time to write is when I write. That may not make sense but it fits my journal.

"Leave me alone, not lonely, but alone to wallow in my guilt and surf on my cloud nine, my script is best ink when my mind is sound enough to letter, but crazy enough to untangle, the alphabet is full of straight and crooked letters, and I use them all"

"Pretty is a definition to be redefined, I see so many make-up faces, yet pretty isn't any of them"

"A room full of journals may tell many things... one, life is amazing... two, life is ruff... and three, we all live it"

"The mint bit the bite of her breath, exhaling more than smell, but solitude of air"

(c) since 2011 Ebony Larijani

Emotional and Lost

I took a trip to Ikea over the weekend. If you have ever been then you understand why I call it a trip and how I was able to get lost. The emotional part was because my mind was on negative drive.

I was in Ikea looking for a futon. I remember walking in feeling so refreshed and alive. Excited of what type of futons I could possibly find. I was reminded by the pictures that they have a cafeteria upstairs and the meatballs are really good. I walked through the couch section and past the bedding and over to the tables and then the futons. After sitting on everything and kicking to test the wear and tear, I found nothing. I turned to the person that was with me and said "let's go".

I wasn't mad that they didn't have the kind of futon I was looking for, but I was misplaced in my emotions when I noticed everything around me. Not the other pieces of furniture, but all of the people. The little children holding their mom and dads hands, the teens shopping for a desk now that school has started, the husband and wife planning the layout for their home. The view of what seemed like perfection to me.

I don't know what isle I lost my friend in. I was so moved with emotions that it took just a few moments to gather my thoughts and remember that every time I come here I get lost. Usually I enjoy getting lost, for some odd reason I always end up in the plant section (I love plants) and now that I think about it maybe I have never been lost if I always end up at the same place. I will probably write a poem about that sentence later.

Anyways, that day I was emotional and lost. I had to follow the signs to get out of the store, at least looking up at the signs kept my sight off of the distractions. But I had to focus, because the signs told me many things, exit this way, tables this way, kitchen this way, children rooms this way, etc. That only meant that I had to walk through all of these things in order to get out. I could not bypass anything, I was forced to see what I wanted to avoid until it was able to be mine! I must have looked like a panic mess, but I kept it under control until I got to my car and broke into tears. I cried like a child, like a child who had lost their mom in the store and wanted nothing but to go home. I wanted to go home, but not home to the place I knew. Home to what I created in my mind to be something that I don't have. Perfection, perfection, perfection and perfection. I wondered what it was like to have all of that. No, I don't think I wondered, I think I just wanted it without planning for it. How does one plan perfection, it was impossible. But it is all I have ever wanted. I was never taught that it isn't possible, I just felt everyone had it but me. I didn't know what all it took to make it or keep it. I just wanted it bad and swore everyone else already had it. I would probably be amazed if I walked into the homes of some of those customers. Perfection might fear me then, or knock me down into laughter. I think perfection has always been some vague cloud of the way things are supposed to be, yet unattainable for me.  

So as I sat in my car crying I asked myself, what do I want life to be for me. Because it doesn't have to be what I imagine it to be, I can create it on my own to be what will bring me joy and peace. I thanked God as tears fell down my face because I knew He was changing me. I had never asked myself questions like these and I never enjoyed the tears that fell. That day I did. I went on to my next stop and as I walked through Staples to get last minute things that the kids needed for school, I felt special to have experienced such a emotional lost feeling and still was not taken off track or pushed home to depress in my bed.

Life is such a beautiful thing when it has no control, just lessons and blessings...

(c) since 2011 Ebony Larijani

Poetry Prompt

Poetry Prompt

The end of summer means the beginning of autumn. This is a time of change. Write a poem about the changes occurring in your life. Choose powerful verbs. Focus on the feelings of expectation, fear, and relief that come with change. Use vivid imagery. It is during change that we are often the most alive.   ------------------- Yes, the end of summer is here, I can feel it in the way the sun hits through the leaves and branches that cover my window, yes I love plants, they are everywhere... I don't expect them to die, not now, but they do look a little limp as the season changes, they may be a bit cold today, that was my thought as I walked out my house this morning... Or maybe that's what I told myself since I had no desire to bend over and grab the hose to water them... they will be okay until I get home, if not God will change the weather report... I fear my own nourishment, I make my own excuses, when I go waterless, I know I need it and still I can sit and just avoid it, I am changing though, at least I know my needs and left out the wants... what a relief to know the differences between honesty and cover-ups... ughh a breath of fresh air... I am human, that a vivid shock for me, I don't know what I try to be, but I must try to be something else since I am always so hard on myself for being human... I will become something that is evident of myself, I will hear deep whispers from a powerful source to guide me into falling leaves, only to leaf me on a colorful path, even if I kick and scream, the scattered leaves that I will shuffle up may cause an on sight anxiety attack, but in the midst of half cut leaves, I can only arrive at a place of laughter, to even think that this change should be fearful... I know I am alive, to feel all of these emotions, I would have to be...   (c) since 2011 Ebony Larijani

Lonely Girl, Fulfilled Woman

I have never felt so lonely before, nor have I ever felt so fulfilled. As I go through life I always go back, I know some people believe that you leave the past in the past, but for me bringing it with me has helped me grow so much. To each their own is a true statement, for if leaving the past behind works for you then don't ever let anyone tell you different.

As I continue to change, there are several things I have to stop for a moment and share/reflect. Today I as amazed by how fulfilled I feel. I don't have a long list of friends, I don't have a huge family, I am not even with my husband at this time, but I am beyond fulfilled.

As a child I always felt alone like I was the hated one, the one everyone looked down upon. When I grew some and had long lasting deep friendships there were still times I felt so alone, in my marriage it was a lonely place for me, in motherhood it has felt lonely for me. In the work office I felt alone. The list goes on and on of all the places that I have been and the family/friends/enemies I have had around me and still felt alone. That one did stump me up when I was writing about it. Feeling lonely around my enemies, but it is true, not even my enemies fulfilled what they should have been doing as an enemy. Hate is such a disturbed confused thing.

Now at age 35 I have a fulfilled life, I have never been so with myself, for myself and accepting of myself. I have surrounded myself with Godly men and women and I feel like I have stepped into another world. The view is amazing from where I walk now. At times I am hesitate of sharing my spiritual walk because some people think that if you are spiritual you are perfect and the moment they see other, they call you fake. But for me being spiritual has brought out more realness of myself than I have ever showed before. I am not perfect, I don't want to be. I like it when I have anxiety trying to take over me, because I know the root of it and it can not vine me in anymore. I like it when I make a mistake, when I am tempted to speak bad about someone. I know who has shed blood for me and I know what to do with my sin.

I am not sharing this in hopes that I am a role model for someone, the only role model I choose to be for is myself. I can not be that of anyone else and that is real.

"the lonely little girl cried for years, with out a human being to wipe her tears, brittle and feared, she waited, or maybe God waited until the perfect time to pull her away from everything and leave her with nothing; that is the definition of fulfilled, she loves it"

(c) since 2011 Ebony Larijani

Shared Venom

I have learned that once gossip is spit and I say spit because it can cause one to close their eyes. Once gossip is spit, it is very hard to go back and undue. We all do gossip every now and then, we all do things that are not right, even if we apologize sometimes it still makes no difference. The spit in ones eye will cause them to view different or even shut the eye completely. They will always judge; however not based on consciousness and therefore only you can forgive.

---------

Spit in the eye of people who had done no wrong, worldly affects and ethics lost caused many harm, never able to take back the moist of the spray or direct hit,  the eye brittle for years to come, hard to undue a vision that was done, actions are embedded, voice and sound, the ring of a bell rumbles the ear of the found, forgiveness has been left up to self to act out, because hands have no ability to wipe the spit out...

(c) since 2011 Ebony Larijani

It's Me Again

It's me again, sifting through my mind in search of why. I do this often, thank goodness that I have mastered "not thinking". It is hard, but I do know how to sit in pure silence and not think about a single thing. I remember the time I told someone that and they said "that's not possible". Don't you just laugh about how human we are sometimes. I wonder when we lost all of the faith, we were born with so much and it seems to fade away as we get older. Yet the older we get the more we need it.

It's just me again, sifting through my thoughts, my ups and downs and just thought that I would share something short. Don't ever be discouraged in anything you do. Despite what people say and/or think, be you and love what you can or cannot do.

"its me again, sifting, drifting, a hole-less boat, my legs are hung over the edge, just long enough for my toes to touch to tip of the surface, I am not scared, I just like the light splash, you can dive, plunder, keep dry, do what you choose... as for me, I like it right here where I am, until I change and experience different, even then someone will be for and/or against"

(c) since 2011 Ebony Larijani

It Is Okay To Act Brand New

Yes, I said it. It's okay to act brand new. I know that may have been a phrase that someone said to you out of shocking reality that you aren't the same. They may have even said it with an attitude and a hint that you need to go back to the old you.

Twice this week I have heard lessons on living like a child, with a child like mind. Yes, I said that too. Have you ever noticed how care free a child is, how eager they are to experience new things. They may sometimes have a want for their parent to be present in the experience of new things, but they still dive in. We have our Father with us at all times, so no need to fear, we are safe when we have that need to have a 'parent' watching over us.

"if we could only reserve from the baggage that fills our minds when living, we won't pass, we won't hesitate, we won't think that we have failed, we will know that we have experienced and what a joy to experience again, and again and again, because this is so much fun, this is amazing to see.... life is fantastic for the child who knows ice cream and being nice to a stranger gives them the same amount of joy, the feeling of freedom... get out of your old self and act brand new"

(c) since 2011 Ebony Larijani

Passion For Words

In the midst of all the online classes I'm taking, the poetry events I write for, the CD I'm making, the book I'm writing, the family, the friends and other life things. I seem to sometimes choose other things over my passion for words. Don't ask me if its out of guilt, fear or a desire to please others.  I know for a fact that I feel my best when I am surrounded by books/pens/journals/poets, yet sometimes I walk away from them. My choices vary from quiet nights alone with my pen to out socializing with family and friends or networking to promote my organization. There has to be a balance somewhere, meanwhile I am a spinning cycle always on the go, using electronics to the best of their ability to remind me of where I need to be or what I need to prepare for. This morning I came across this and it made me think.

Poetry Prompt

Poetry, like life, is about making decisions. Write a poem to the person you may have become had you made an important life decision differently. Remember, this version of you is also vulnerable to the whims of an indifferent universe, so you're merely making an educated guess as to your doppelgänger's outcome. Craft your poem with respect. You're writing to you   Out of pure respect I reach over to the phone that buzzed all night long, giggling in such a carefree way I walked out my back door to the sun light of life, the smell of air and the definition of Gods creation. A journal lay across the bench beside my hand make river and I do mean hand made for it was my hands that dug and designed. I know they are there, busy cars, punch cards, traffic lights, 9am meetings, appointments, arguments, judgements, neighbors, bystanders, etc. But I do not know what they are, for distractions do not occur in the life of a full time writer. I live to rely information through script and I read to inhale information through my mind. No one sees me, when I am in the depth of a curved letter that needs nothing but my mind to circle it into shape and create a base to the reasons I reason. I chose simplicity to its fullest, there is nothing more desired than that alone.   (c) since 2011 Ebony Larijani

Too Abstract

Be specific, be detailed, be organized, be attended to. That's my life now. The Law of Attraction has edged me to be more in tune. Okay so maybe the vibration sounds of Dolphins coming out my speakers has me centered also. Anyhow, life is created, not dodged.

I sketched with fine lines as I intended to point out every brittle moment and strong curve, my life was not my own, I needed more, I desired true love, true peace and so as the edge of my pencil did different things other than create words to read, my mind expanded and I smiled, life is amazing, life is the drawing on the window after a rain storm leaves behind dense fog, life is the wild colors that find there way out the lines of a 5yr old child, life is the ice cream that melts off the cone and down you arm and even though you hold a napkin in the other hand you are eager to lick, life is fantastic, like the way the ocean waves hit the shore in a force as if it has been chasing you since creation and finally made it to the tip of your board to send you flying into the sand and hitting so hard that GREAT and WOW are the only words that fall off your tongue.... be specific, be detailed, be organized, be attended to when defining what your life will be...

(c) since 2011 Ebony Larijani

A Serious Question

"If I really loved myself, what would I do"?

This was the question within my daily blog today. Don't you hate it when things come to you at a time they are needed the most? It's like an ironic thing that we love to hate, or hate to love, I haven't figured out which way to phrase it. If we loved ourselves we might actually love these moments instead of thinking "why now".

I stopped and made a list after reading this question. What would I do, that I am not currently doing? Well, my list got so long that I then had to turn to one of my books and remind myself, not to judge myself, yet be free with my emotions and/or feelings. So I did just that.

I must also tell you that I read a few verses this morning in my bible about how to cry out to God to fill my soul with his peace and love and not be filled with the worldly things. Is this why my list was so long? I didn't think so, I kept reading the daily blog and I felt much better when I read, "you can have exactly what you don't have or think you can't". Yes! I wasn't asking for too much and I knew deep down my desires were not worldly things. They were very few things, but deeply desired; good health, joy, love, peace. See, not too bad, nothing out of the norm I wouldn't think. However; there are a million things that are capable of blocking these few things and that is why it was a must that I reminded myself, "if I really loved myself, what would I do".

-------------------------------
I love me when there are tiny droplets resting on the tips of the grass, early morning rise... at the door step I sat... I love me when the sun peaks around the neighbors house and I close my eyes to be able to stare at the sun and embrace the warmth... at the door step I sat... when the wind blows and the beauty of tiny water droplets is more deep than the view of an ocean, I know the difference between details and detailed... at the door step I sat...

(c) since 2011 Ebony Larijani

Writing Assignment

This morning my writing assignment was to write about the gut worms that are being held:

unleash the gut worms I guess means that you want me to throw it all up, the voices, the doubt, the unknown features that merrily venture through my mind, I am lost in the sense that I have no idea what is going on, not happy nor sad, in a moment of transformation where I believe you don't sit still with any feeling, because the cross over from world to spiritual has no comparison

(c) since 2011 Ebony Larijani

In Love with Love

What is love to you? Do you still experience that childhood crush feeling in your heart. When you hear his/her voice behind you and the vibrations in you burst out in a racing heart and blushed cheeks. Do you remember the first time he/she said "I love you"? The look you give each other a year later and know the love has not drifted.

Have you experienced these things with yourself? There is a deep inner vibration that eludes on the love you can provide to yourself. The more love you give in the more others want to give as well.

You owe it to your soul to love with unconditional desire. Nothing and I mean nothing should move you to love less. There is a key to mastering this, and it doesn't come from a call to your friend to gossip about what he/she did. Nor does it come from filling up with anger when you are unsure if you should love. It comes from peace of love, the falling in love with love that it becomes all you choose.

I have returned to in love with love, and I say return because it is where I come from. There is no falling in love, there is a return to it.
Do not seek to find it, simply let go and return to it.

"The feather fell from the sky and the lightness of its fall was an illusion that forced me to use the word fall... the reality of its glide and lifting of its peace allowed me to see the levitation of life and know the word love"

(c) since 2011 Ebony Larijani

Our Daily Journal

I was reading Our Daily Journal this morning and it read:

So the word family connotes unity, and it also suggests a bond deeper than citizenship. It’s a relationship made possible by the blood of Christ, and it has nothing to do with how we feel about one another. It also necessitates that we put aside our prejudices, and that we should serve and care for one another, for we are God’s family.

If you are close to me then you know that I have had a struggle since childhood with family. Always feeling like the black sheep of the family. Never feeling loved or enough. In my 20's I reached out to some family members to express how I felt, but I got nothing fulfilling in return. Now in my 30's I have been on a quest or maybe it is naturally happening since I hear women find themselves when they reach 35.

Well my quest has brought about many findings and the most important one is my inner self. I have found that a woman needs only one thing and that is love. She does not always need it coming back to her if she holds it center within her. Love is my center, it is my attention, my life. I need not approve of everyone in my life, what they are doing or what they have become. I love my family, I love my friends, I love the people that make me feel uncomfortable and comfortable. I love the new people in my life and the old ones. I love my mistakes and my achievements. I love my hair, my body, my personality. I love my house, my car, the birds, the trees. I love writing, laughing, disagreeing. I love honesty and I love lies. I love pain and joy.

I don't question is something is worth loving. I don't way the options of how much I should love or when I should and shouldn't love. I love... and I tell you love is a powerful thing! When I speak the words they come out different, because the inner that these words are coming from is different.

"I never stood, until I stood in love, leaving all else blind"

(c) since 2011 Ebony Larijani

Material Things

I think we put so much degree on material things because they are visual in sight and physical in touch, we create greed for it because others can see it, making one feel important or worth something. The feeding of it fills and it taste good for some time, be we all know too much of a good thing is not a good thing, therefore you will eventually become sick.

In broken relationships it's the first thing people go after to "get back" because of its visual/physical. We feel there is no proof in getting back what is really important and that is the trust, love and joy. The true loss that can only be found in ourselves. Let's be human for a moment though, how many of us look at ourselves when relationships end or when we are trying to grab the attention of the world. We don't, because we are too busy looking at the other person. The world that can care less about us but still we try to 'flash' for them. The ex that is ready to leave you and yet every material thing possible you try to grab, hoping that will replace any and everything that lacks within. It is human of us to do this, but it is spiritual for us to let go.

I have experienced having friends who fed off of gaining more material things than me, I have experienced ex's that wanted every material thing back from me and I have experienced being greedy of material things myself. I was so fed up, uptight and too tight.

I let it all go and the things that were able to start pouring into my life were looked upon as 'material things' to the human eye. But I knew a better word; blessings.

I want no part of a material world, I want the most simple things. The things that blind no one, I want the peaceful things that push no one away. I want persons walking by me to have spiritual sight and see blessings not material. You can not cut me, pin me, place holes in me to button me, zipper me, or sew me. I am not material, I am spiritual. Every time you see me, you will see me.

(c) 2011 Ebony Larijani

Listed Problems

I listed all of my problems today. Go ahead, you can ask me how long my list was, but I'm not going to tell. That is not the point, what is the point is this. I have no problems, you may find that hard to believe, but it is true. Freedom is not a word that only fits in certain areas. When God came into my life years ago, I still walked around like I was not complete, like I had all these problems. But I was lieing to myself and the problems were lieing to me each time they tried to out due themselves. I would take one problem and compare it to another, or I would compare how upset or down I should be based off these problems. I could not figure out how to release myself from all of these things that I thought following God would do. Slowly and surely, I started to learn about my eyes, my ears, my speech and ultimately my mind. I share this with you and hope that it stays with you.

Definition of Problem: a matter or situation regarded as unwelcome and harmful and needing to be dealt with and overcome. (Websters Dictionary)

"what you don't situate as a matter, what you don't regard as needing to keep away, what you don't see harmful, what you don't dwell on to deal with, simply comes over as delight and God given... everything is a matter of mindfulness"

(c) since 2011 Ebony Larijani

The Mirror

Last night I went to the gym with myself, it was different than what I have been doing. Teaming up with a friend as a motivator to get the hour and half work out in 4 times a week. Yet last night I had to be my own motivator, I had to push through the cardio and I kept telling myself, let go, release and how easy this will be. I needed that sweat pouring, dropped down pony tail, body sore, giving my all feeling to hit me like the music that blasted in my ears. There was so much around me; people. That one word alone was enough for me to concentrate on something else; them.
As my Pandora locked in the middle of my run I thought, not now, don't do this to me. How could I possibly run on this treadmill without my music to zone me out. As I decided to leave it stuck and not attempt to run and change stations at the same time the music started. I laughed at myself, something I do often and I find it liberating.
Ten minutes later I realized I had nothing in sight but my feet, as I was looking down at the pace I was going. I ran like I needed to, just enough to release whatever was stuck in me. Moving on to other machines in the gym my workout was very enjoyable. Sweat dripping off of me and I could not stop it. I allowed all of the sweat to pour out of me because it needed to and I needed it to.
When I arrived home I wanted to look in the mirror, but I was so weak that I could only make it to the shower and into my bed. I rose this morning eager to look in the mirror, as if that workout was going to change my appearance in a matter of hours. I decided not to look, instead I told myself "I love my body". I got dressed and again I wanted to look in the mirror, to approve what I'm not really sure, but I decided not to and again I told myself "I love my body". I unwrapped my hair from my scarf and all of my curls fell to my face, I loved what I saw. Dark, curly and fluffy, the smell of my oils that ran through from my scalp to the ends was refreshing. I never looked in the mirror not once, but I remembered my shower the night before, how the water washed over my body and my hair fell over me with such beauty. I kept saying to myself "I love my hair". And that had changed in a matter of hours, the simple spoken words of truth. I didn't need a mirror to look in, only to cause me to ponder on the question if I really did love it or not, all I needed was my own confirmation.

"Put your mirrors away for a few days and find out who and what you truly are"

(c) since 2011 Ebony Larijani

Damaged, Not Broken

My iPhone is damaged! I was so upset yesterday when I noticed that it isn't working. I must have pushed that round button a million times with complete frustration and tension, nothing happens. Siri starts talking every time I lightly touch the button though; irony. Which isn't suppose to happen. I can't access anything on my phone. I called Sprint only to find out that I don't have insurance and I need to take my phone to Apple store. As bad as I wanted to I couldn't take out my frustration on the Sales Rep. I had a flash back of Security Guards armed in so many random places like DMV, etc. Because we ourselves sometimes struggle with self control.

Anyhow back to my phone, yep it's broke! What am I going to do. I'm recording in the studio this weekend, some of my writing are on my phone. My emails, how will I read them. How can I text, how can I call. Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, what am I to do? I needed a moment to rethink this all through. Upgrade, that was the answer, IPhone 5. That failed too, I can't upgrade until another 162 days.

Well since she wouldn't stop talking I might as well talk to her right, Siri that is. So I spoke to her. I told her where to go, who to text, what to Tweet, what writings to pull up, what music to play. Are you serious, I have to communicate verbally, lol. So not me, but I have no choice at this point. Seems to be where every situation in my life is heading.

"All these pushed buttons, tapped screens, I'm tired of being pushed around, connect with me, don't tap me... I can do anything, I have access to it all, change is not normal, not for me anyhow, but hello, I will try this new thing, my fingers and emotions are tired of giving signals anyhow, it's time to speak up, communicate" ~VM

(c) since 2011 Ebony Larijani

Labels and Attachments

I need to understand why society has labeled hurt women as scorned? To better understand the meaning I looked it up in the Dictionary.

~Scorn: The feeling or belief that someone or something is worthless or despicable; contempt. (Websters Dictionary)

I then searched the Internet, Bible and many other places to define the word woman. Here are several things I found.

~ A true woman is not to be defined by style, culture, smell or personality. A true woman is a woman who wakes up every morning faced with millions of decisions and despite what the world is telling her she chooses to make the right one. She stands by what she believes, realizes what she deserves and doesn't settle for less. She is honest, and loyal, and faithful. She puts up with far more than she should. A true woman gets back up and fights for what she wants over and over again. Even though every time she's tried before, she's lost. She is understanding and patient, yet, abrasive and takes the bull by the horns. She gives respect, and expects it in return. A true woman is someone who when you look in her eyes, you can see your unborn children. You see a true woman is not defined, by culture or size or any of that, she is defined by you. Your true woman is very different than anybody else.

Now explain to me again why I, as a woman, want a label such as scorned to describe the woman I am capable of being. So many things in society seem to cause confusion, back hunches, and painful slumber. Why is this? I don't see how the two can be one; woman and scorn.

Placing such a low label on a high craft is what causes things to crack. I use the word craft because we are and were crafted by the hands of God. We will not break, being that we are a master piece from his hands, but we can crack when we attempt to follow our own ways or societies.

The two; scorn and woman are not capable of becoming anything when placed together. I pray you meditate on that fact, because several things are often put together, yet together they can never form.

With experience (by once believing that I was scorned) I am amazed by the lack of confidence that word left upon me. I cannot get upset though, because that word lived up to its definition. I however did not live up to mine by allowing it to become a part of me.

Women, nothing and no one has the power to take you out of something so glorious and label you with something so dim. You are not scorned, you are women, define yourself and be.

(c) since 2011 Ebony Larijani

Society pedals

I was listening to the news this morning, which I rarely do. Hearing a story about Beyonce buying her mom a very expensive home for Mother's Day and yet her sister bought her a hundred roses. Making fun of the difference in price of the gifts, I wondered how these two sisters felt. Then I brought myself to a level of reality. What had all of the listeners been taught? We need to put value on the price tag and not the thought? Is there something missing within Beyonce that she felt the need to splurge? Is there inner peace present in her sister that she was able to give less and be confident in doing that? Did their mother need a home and roses to fill it with and together they made it happen with love until society turned it into competition?
 I continue to seek the answer to my question of "when did things change and money became so rich in itself that it is capable of forcing so many lost souls to think it is everything"?

Society is truly tearing us apart and slowing us down, petal by pedal... 

(c) since 2011 Ebony Larijani 

Yellow Light

I have noticed the different forms of yellow lights that we point our fingers at in relationships, whether it be between family, friends or a significant other. We all speak or don't speak on something that we carry within, by looking without. We judge the way others do something that we don't do. I said to a family member of mine the other day. "The faults that you focus on in someones life can easily be focused on somewhere different in your own". I said that with love to be an example that perfection is non-existence and what makes one so sure that another person's problem is worth sharing and yellow flagging for fixing more than their own?

Her lips formed to share with me
the faults in her friends
the mistakes they made and still make
proud there she stood
I could not resist
I had to be the barer of bad news
the mistakes and downfalls that you share about another life
somewhere, some how fit into your own
but she did this....
before she could even finish her sentence I asked
and what have you ever done
what do you fear to do
what makes her mistakes so much more important
that you chose not to share your own
silence settle in her throat
the silence that causes you to swallow
and the thump is heard
often we need someone
something else
to find fault in

(c) since 2011 Ebony Larijani

Motorcycle

I made a comment,
I spoke to soon,
I could have rethought some things through
I assumed what must be
or what could have been
I wasn't prepared for something as shockin
I don't understand why he would ride his bike on such a rainy day
Uttered out my mouth
I meant no harm and none was taken by others
In fact a few agreed with me
But this one person spoke just enough
To make me realize the power of changed thought
For some people that's their only means of transportation
Thankful for the moment of justice
I thought to question, he thought of an accepting answer

(c) since 2011 Ebony Larijani

It's In The Eye

A friend shared this morning how something flew into his eye yesterday and he was still experiencing a pain and discomfort. He was talking about going to the Emergency Room to see what could be done. I said to him "that happened to me a while ago and I washed my eyes out every hour of the day, when it burned I didn't wipe it, I let it run, an eye can hold a lot of little things in tiny corners".

The moment I finished that sentence I smiled. Wow, I must have needed a pep talk on life. Remorseful that my friend had to go through a painful experience to allow me sight in corners I kept little things, but if only he knew it was worth it.

"Dirt filled the eye like the pain of once seen reality, experienced in the run of a stinging burn, dust in little corners, subject to rub so hard that sight can't even focus on where dust gathers, near blind and still in search for something, lid free with a blink that only occurs every few seconds, making sight blind to all illusions that fill the head in a matter of seconds, forcing a focus, or an escape on mental projected slide shows, prime target for a Birdseye shot that will take out even the highest soar, back tracking through lashes long enough to tell stories that only bare glossy sight, if only the residue could come out, teared up water flows out without control, yet there is not crying"

(c) since 2011 Ebony Larijani

Mixed Up Thoughts

In the length of sophistication beauty arises to a level of passive labels, like the front page of the Sunday paper that tells me I ought to read the insides, chosen by a group of management responsible people who demonstrate a manner of knowing what the world is eager to read, I ought not fit into a group of writers who assume to know what Sunday is all about, when even I don't know what to expect as I pass the paper in a rush to my favorite part of the grocery store, the fruit section, crossword puzzle me there to alphabet what a red strawberry can do to the hands and lips of a woman in need of wine...

(c) since 2011 Ebony Larijani

Empty and Full

There is an emptiness that fills the body, rigid in power of depth, surface of timing to fast and too soon, full of passion, empty by mid way, eager, energetic, black to sight, cool to touch, mint like taste, muse of, sweet, tea-like, fitting for air, smooth and toxic, beatable, acceptable, changeable, upheld, straight, curved in history, stuck, moved, dusty, blow of breath, rise to exit out, peace, love, demeanor, dominating, laughable when in thought, cracked, stretched, positions or maybe habit like positions, poised, placed with that, sided in those...

When a writer feels empty or full, some things still come out in or out of order. Most often when arrange to make sense, other times we just don't...

(c) since 2011 Ebony Larijani

In The Morning

In the morning when the body rises and the soul settles in the mere knowing of a new day... when the sun shines and the clouds clear way... what do you think in the morning... is there a mindful intake of what the day will be like... are there images of yesterday floating by... is there guilt, relief... is there anything suppressed... are they memories still lingering from years ago... nothing stands still for you, for me, for anyone... the morning will come in due time; perfect time... awe it is morning... my soul is renewed...

(c) since 2011 Ebony Larijani

When He speaks, He speaks

Last night was ruff for me. I rushed through cleaning because I have family coming into town. Tripped over a few things, stubbed my toe, caught an attitude. I say caught as if I didn't have an option to react like that. Why do I do that, wait until the last minute to clean, the excuse I gave myself was that if I had sufficient time my house would be clean all the time. So here I was rushing to clean, then I had to yoga (yes it is a must) then I had homework, and with it being Thursday night you already know what excitement was next. My show Scandal.

By the time all of these things had come to an end it was 11pm. I turned off my TV, put my earphones in my ears and lay my head down. I felt worried, I knew why and so I prayed about it, the thoughts didn't go away so I kept repeating "God please show your presence right now". I felt nothing, a text came through on my phone from a strange number, I had no clue who it was, then another text came through from a friend, we disagreed on some things. Then my son was coughing, allergy season has set in. Here I was tossing and turning and just trying to find some peace. I was in and out of sleep until 5am, next thing I knew my alarm clock was going off. It was a must to hit the snooze button, as I did and rolled over. Five minutes later my son came and got into the bed with me, he loves morning hugs and I do to! We lay there longer than we usually do, by the time my feet hit the floor I was in rush mode.

Once everyone was at school and I was able to read my daily "A Course In Miracle's" reading, it read this... "God is with me throughout the whole day". It goes on to tell me how no matter what I'm doing during the day, God is always in my mind because that is how he created me. The other things that fill my mind are the illusions that I create. I exhaled after reading the last sentence of my daily reading and I kept saying over and over "God is with me throughout the whole day". Next thing I knew someone was handing me an invitation. Wow! Who does that now a days, real invitations, no Evites, lol. I laughed because it brought me joy to open up the envelope. What! "The Blessing of The Lord Be Upon You" is what the front of the invitation said. Who does that now a days, it wasn't the standard you are invited greeting card. I could do nothing but smile, and of course giggle. I have noticed the more I search for God he seems to make me laugh.

Well you can imagine my day is going great now! That voice in the back is trying to change that but I'm determined and all of these signs that I call speech from God is continuing to flow in. Next I surfed over to a blog that I am on frequently. I'm sure you can imagine what it said. It talked about a time when people use to have to 'go' somewhere to pray to God. There were meeting spots or designated places where you would go to in order to give God your attention, but we now realize it is not needed. God IS everywhere, there IS no place without Him.

Today is a great day, beyond all of my negative thoughts, beyond all of the nonsense I see or hear, beyond the rush of life, GOD IS HERE, always, and that is why I know I don't have to search for His peace.

(c) since 2011 Ebony Larijani

40 Day Journey

40 day journey...

I came up with the idea to take myself on a 40 day journey when someone expressed his catholic religion to me and his preparation to give up smoking for lent. This man went on and on about how hard it was going to be for him. I loved his honesty and I understood his fear of failure. But what I couldn’t comprehend was why we go into some things thinking this way. Where was the motivational speech, or even better, where was the soul that knows everything is possible.

The day came when the ashes were placed on his forehead and he knew his smoking had to stop. I didn’t know this on day one, but there are better choice of words that we can always use, sometimes we find that out after the breath.

Here he is standing in front of me, ashes on his forehead and he was very nervous, yet proud, overwhelmed, yet excited. The first day of course is the easiest, but moving forward into day two and so on was extremely hard. I decided that I would spend 40 days writing about strangers, and the things we all have in common whether it be habits, fear, joy, etc.

The non smoker was the first person I wrote about, because by his day 3 which started my day 1, the pen shook. It was like my penmanship leaked the nervousness and frustration he held.

I felt as if I wasn’t on the same journey as him though, so I added more, I silently gave something up for 30 days along with my 40 day journey writing. I didn't think it was fair to this man if I didn't, nor was if fair to myself, to watch growth and not stem to be a part of it.

I am giddy enough to say that by day 4 I was a mess myself. Here we sat, two people nervous and dizzy because we are not in balance with what we are used to, the change structured us into believing we could not form.

By day 10 he had people asking him if he was still going without his cigarettes. I bet he wished he was more like me and had kept his journey private so he wouldn't have to face the strange stares from people while they asked him. Okay, really, who am I kidding, the mirror questions that stared back at me were just as hard.

I smiled when he spoke about his crave and his frustration because I wished I was like him with his outspoken nature.

As days turned into weeks I struggled through my 30 days. And I let the pen run wild through my 40 days. I met so many strangers who I became familiar with. Some days I posted the “Stranger writing” on my website and other days I wrote my thoughts in a journal. It was astonishing that no matter who I met or what they were going through somehow we were alike. And if we weren't then we became evenly comfortable with the differences; and that was also alike.

By week 3 I forgot that I was even on this journey, because habit had kicked in and I no longer had to remind myself “don’t do it”. I also no longer forced myself to communicate with strangers just to get a writing. It became a balanced flow. Also by week 3, the non smoker started to lose grip, or should I say he took grip of a cigarette. It wasn't announced and I noticed those of us who knew he had smoked didn't bother to ask him anymore, and he didn't volunteer any inhale or exhale.

Did he fail though? What is failure? If you ask me I really don’t think it exist. The Dictionary says it is a state of failing to do or perform, but he did it for a few days. So I just can’t seem to fit this word into my vocabulary to latch to anything. A half grown flower didn’t fail at growth, it grew didn’t it. A second place winner didn’t fail at winning. A graded paper with a D+ at the top, didn’t fail at completing.

By the end of my 30 day journey I was so excited, I had made it. On day 36, I started the habit again. Why was I still counting, because I knew I didn’t need it, didn’t want it, or had the ability to go without it? Did I fail or not? I obviously changed something within in me to make me aware of day 36 even though it should not have been counted.

So I ask again, what is failure? Did we both fail, or did neither of us?

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“If we don’t need it at a moment in time we wouldn’t have it or do it, but if that is all we know to do, then that is what we do, whether right or wrong. And in some strange way that makes me think it’s right, for me, for you, for whomever, at that time” ~VM

Air In The Ear

There is an area in the ear that is filled with nothing, it leads to the mind that comprehends nothing. It brings a feeling of smooth desire, like wind on a summer day. It took me a long time to find this air, it is not blown like the pain of an infection. It is more like the pull back of curtains in your home, and the light whisk of a cracked window during spring. The plants know how to lean towards it should the leaves become grown enough to reach for sight...

(c) since 2011 Ebony Larijani

The Cup Of Tea

Not everything is sturdy enough to hold it in lavish hotness. The end of the tea bag just dangles like it has no other place to go, I see it sway back and forth, I assume the exhales of my own breath are doing that, or maybe it's the people walking by blowing a soft wind in there steps. I hope they don't cool my tea with their wind. I am a bit cold and need the warmth. I can't see if the cup is empty from my view but I do know I have been taking sips as I sit here. Cappucino is what the outside of the cup says and guess what, I do not like Cappucino's, lol. I find that funny that I drink from the cup of written script that takes me to a taste of "ewww". It is so cold outside; hence my reason for sitting at a dinning room table with the blinds pulled back so I can see what is calling me to come out and live a little. But it's hard when your piled down with a coat or hunched over trying to keep any bit of warmth that you can. That's what my tea is for, I left it a few sentences ago, I always do that, take an object and then focus on everything around it but I should be focusing on what's in it. My tea is stuck in a bag, dipped in hot water just to get it stirred up to dilute the water into something that alone the water could not do. Dips in and out, it's so hot in there, blows to sip and exhales to soothe the after affect. I love tea time.

(c) since 2011 Ebony Larijani

There Isn't A Place To Knot Right

There isn't a place that my words knot to the point that I can't write. I avoid the need to make things right in the script of write. I allow whatever flows to flow. Words may not always be used correctly, but they are used. I despise the apology that I often have to give to the Dictionary as I turn it's pages and realize weeks ago I misused some things. I still remain knot less, because I can not hold in the thoughts that roam my mind. I need not make excuses if I am sitting or standing in places I need not go.
My writing is done to find out where I sit and what it means when I stand. These realizations come and go. I sit in a room that I don't own, and I want to close my eyes, but in doing so I begin to write from the feelings that I find while sitting in the room. Something may move or adjust and I will miss it with my eyes closed. So I opened them and allowed sight to right me so that I could write me. I didn't know what I wanted to find, yes I did. I wanted to find the things that were not there. Isn't that ironic, we always want to find what isn't there. And of course it isn't there, that's why we are fools to think we need to find it. What is there though, how come we can't focus on that? So today I did....

I found a knot in my belt, a knot in my laces and I laughed, I untwisted the knot to find the only part of the lace that had no dirt, it was so tight and enclosed that no damage/dirt reached it, my belt was only worn at the edge of the knot, but within there was still a shinny clean dent free, unworn piece of fake leather, no holes... who put these knots here, certainly there wasn't a place to knot right...

(c) since 2011 Ebony Larijani

It's Not Back To Normal, It's Acceptance

This weekend I accomplished so much. I paused to look back over the weekend, as if it's that long to look back over. Compared to the week it seems so short. Just as I wrote this a friend on facebook wrote "I never get anything done on the weekend". How true is that, even though I felt so accomplished I did not do much, yet I did.

Usually Sunday nights I sit in my bed and I can feel my mind indicating that I didn't have enough weekend time, that I would now have to suffer through the week just to get to another weekend. What a large amount of wasted time if I didn't accept something different than this thought/feeling.

I can't even say how many things I get done during the week. I will give you a hint though, each week I come up with a goal, something that I promise myself to do daily for the week and I have been doing this for months and I have not failed yet on the goals set. I just didn't notice because I was too busy focused on getting passed Monday-Friday.

I don't work though, sitting in traffic is a meditation time for me, and the clouds always float perfectly for my view. I check emails with an intent that I have an opportunity to be very detailed with my reading and read fully through instead of skimming like I usually do. Typing/writing during the day is my chance to use my skills that classes are teaching me. Grammar/spelling is actually tough, using common words is not the level I desire to stay at. Lunch breaks are for rejuvenating, there is a beautiful train track near by and it always blows by, I think its cute on the days my hair blows.

Tonight I sit here feeling great! I accepted all I did this weekend with just enough time given to get done. I had a fantastic weekend. As I was sitting here reading I thought "wow, I don't feel frustrated about the upcoming week, I'm back to normal, no this isn't normal, this is acceptance" and as you see from a thought I picked up my talkative little friend (the pencil).

(c) since 2011, Ebony Larijani

Words On Top Of Words...

I tried something new today, actually I tried two things. I went 'earthing' and I wrote poems in the newspaper. If you don't know what earthing is, it's when you lay on the grass, take off your shoes and cuddle, roll and everything else you would do in the comfort of your bed. It is done to bring peace and to help you feel grounded in life. You can add extra things like earphones, pray, smiles, kids, etc. Or it can be just you and the grass. One day I plan on trying nothing but dirt, that will be fun to write about.

So here I am earthing and I decided to try the next new thing. I wrote poems on the pages of a news paper. As I wrote the poems I had to do it based off of the words that caught my eyes in the newspaper. It can create some strange writing, but it was fun.

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Words on top of words, we all dotted and curved, we used each other in many good ways, to broaden the mind on what to portray, there are a lot of words in this paper I never realized, what time and attention it takes to put these together, I wonder what the publishers face would look like now, to know I never read an entire article, just a few words to guide and encourage...

(c) since 2011 Ebony Larijani

Oh No! Change The Channel

I fell asleep last night while watching a show on ABC, yes I admit. Scandal has me attached, it is the only time I either turn on my TV or change from my usual Animal channel, Travel channel, or Oprah's channel. (balanced, that's what I call it)

What a displeasing channel to wake up to this morning. Hearing about shootings, deaths, fires, lost children, etc. I drifted in and out of sleep, too comfortable to get up and change the channel, yet beyond disturbed by what I was hearing. I know what your thinking, "where is the remote". It's gone, by choice, it keeps me active on some days. Anyhow, I soared from having 5min nightmares to wondering if I was dreaming. I sat up to realize it wasn't a dream. I grabbed my earphones, turned on my cell to my guided morning meditation and went 'within'.

Awe! Now this is the type of morning I am eager to rise for. You may think I'm avoiding reality, but I am not. I have just noticed that someone had an idea to play all of the negative things to us in the morning while we get ready for work, and then they play it again when we come home from a hard days work. Even the traffic reports are horrific, lol. If we all weren't in a rush to get to different places at the same time don't you think there would be no traffic. Who came up with all of this anyway?
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Am I lost in a dream, why is it changing so fast, I hear the sounds of crash... I am not aware of who hit hard, no clue as to what is going on, just voices and feelings that are rising me to the morning sun, but this rise doesn't feel like a good one, no warmth, no love... how dare you, society that is, to put this up so early, do I need to know all of this, I mourn for the loss of life, gratitude to still have mine, celebrate in the souls that sit with the Heavenly Father... but again I say, society how dare you... there are other things going on I surely know, the fact that I have to dig through your dirt to find them is selfish of you... how can we rise if what we hear is of no love, because of you I limit my choice of channel search, the other channels simply love me...

(c) since 2011 Ebony Larijani

The Reflection Is Different

I sat in the window for a long time today, watching the snow fall. The reflection in the window was only momentary. If the sun shined the right way or if someone walked up behind me that I could see myself. It was off and on, I didn't pay it much attention. As the day went by I moved to another part of the house and pulled out my journal, sometimes if I sit under the light in my "writing corner" of my room there is a shadow that reflects down on my journal. I have to change position to keep it or to get it to move out the way.

I move to the living room now, curious to see if these different rooms give me different things to write. The reflection in the living room came off my mini Netbook, I smiled when I saw it, my hair was so wild and all over the place. I could see each curl in the reflection, with the window behind me all that graced my background were branches. I was not in my living room, that was for sure!

What a cool experience, I'm glad I noticed all of this. It's nothing special if you don't make it. Sure we all know reflections and shadows exist, but to really see them is very liberating. I sit here typing and feel as if these branches behind me are literally here. I feel like I'm camping maybe, or just sitting in the woods writing a novel. No one else in the room is seeing this with me and they are all right here with me. That is why miracles are so delightful, we create them ourselves and others don't always realize them. Those are the best ones, when you sit with a smile on your face and joy in your heart and know the miracle is happening.

Well thank you for allowing me to share my miracle today, I hope you were able to use it as your imagination until you are moved to create one for yourself and others.

(c) since 2011 Ebony Larijani

It's In My Mix

I am so proud of myself. I usually never say that, but I can say it now. I will say it again "I AM SO PROUD OF MYSELF" I have kept to my eating habits and increased them so much that it has become a part of my lifestyle! That is a confirmation of transformation.

I feel like a beautiful mature woman now when I enter the grocery stores. I have managed to change my store preferences from the usual Bloom, Giant, Safeway to Whole Foods, Global World and Vitamin World. I am so happy when I stroll down these aisles. I don't know what it is about healthy shopping but you seem to also come out of the store with extra information. The other customers are eager to share a recipe or a food that is full of great stuff!

I am slowly but surly changing my children over to, but they don't always know it. I sneak things in the dinners I make like flax seed, chia seeds, etc. I ordered pizza for them the other day and I was tempted to sprinkle something healthy on it. As I walked past the pizza box on the counter I had no urge to eat it, I only became grateful that its not something I am purchasing every Friday night and filling our bodies with.

This summer I have many travel adventures planned that will take me close to nature and I feel my body is so excited to not only be healthy within, but to have the opportunity to touch earth.

This isn't about right or wrong, we all have a choice of what we intake, whether it be food, relationships, jobs, etc... we have a choice and the choice is beneficial in all ways... whether you change today or not... when the change happens... you will see that a change in any area of life reflects to other areas as well... and before you know it... you have created a lifestyle for yourself and it's a proud one...

(c) since 2011 Ebony Larijani

One Word Is Enough

The restoration of man from the bondage of sin to the liberty of the children of God through the satisfactions and merits of Christ...

There are lost souls seeking something
giving nothing and still wanting something
lost souls are seeking nothing
gaining something
yet understanding nothing
lost souls are lost
not in travel for a correct route
but in mind
in soul
in love
in purity
lost souls are hiding
lost souls are on the rise
lost souls are in the sheets of lust
they are in the stores of shopping with greed
they are in the tunnel of dim vision
I have never seen the sun shine in a tunnel
yet we think this vision is light
lost souls are in the mind
thought of often
and yet walked past
lost souls text the text
and respond with text
lost souls drive in
to spin out and remain on the swerve
of a dotted line
lost souls read what isn't meant to be read
feeling spell corrected and mislead
lost souls zombie the dark
made up to make-up the spot light
lost souls are answering to guilty
and freedom keeps ringing them
lost souls are speaking truth
and laying to lie
lost souls are in the children
broken parents and spit-full words
lost souls are in the churches
in the stands, in their stands they sit
lost souls are on the edge of a jump
a leap, as if we need to be strong enough to conquer
lost souls need nothing
lost souls need not build strength
lost souls have one word
and that one word is enough
REDEMPTION...

(c) since 2011 Ebony Larijani

The Day After

The day after Valentines Day...
Well how was it? Did you wake with joy, was it just another day for you, are your flowers on the floor, are they dead? Are you sick from chocolate? Did you do something different than what the average did on this day? Where you surprised? Did you feel all the bliss of love? Did laughter overcome any gift? All of these things ran through my mind this morning.

I have been doing another self change journey, I do these all the time. Sometimes I get them off the Internet, other times I create my own. This time I choose to remove my eyes from the daily world view. So I have created a month journey where I only view my own Internet pages. It sounds strange maybe, but have you ever noticed how often you 'like' a friends status, or drive and 'like' that tweet, scroll through all those Instagram pics.

With that said I have no idea what anyone else did yesterday. Maybe that's why all these questions filled my mind today? Do I want to know, I'm not sure if it matters anymore, as I am in day 3 with this Internet journey I don't seem to be missing anything. Maybe the fact that society has created Valentines Day to be this big 'love' day, I guess that's why this thought came to me this morning.

I pulled up behind a car yesterday and the license plate read "ConCed" conceited. I didn't judge, this is becoming easier for me not to judge people. Sometimes I have to remind myself and other times it flows naturally. So as I read it my first thought was to love. My next thought was tied into the Journey I created by not looking at any ones Fb/Twitter/Instagram/etc. I thought how easily my lack of that might be misinterpreted. From that thought I began to think about all of the writing I am doing in my second book and how it has my head in a Dictionary at all times. Words, definitions, words, translations, words, thesaurus, words, suggested words, other words used.

And than I just reflected on life, the way the mind thinks, how quick it moves. Just as quick as these sentences right after another are a bit all over the place, but it reflects the thoughts. Another writer might think this is too wordy or not paragraphed well. But in the end, whether it be in life or just a day, there are circles happening. Some more intense and dizzy than others and some sharp and a bit more cornered.

I'm just enjoying life and trying different things. How else will I know what works best for me?

(c) since 2011 Ebony Larijani

Are You Ready

Are you ready I asked myself and I struck the pen to the paper
are you ready for the undoubtable challenges that will come
prepared for the unprepared happenings
are you ready to be still when shots of armored soilders set fire
are you ready for the pain of the joy
are you in the mind frame of confident, not doubt
are you in eager of what is to come
are you attracting the positive
have you let go of negative findings that are nothing more than feelings
are you ready to strike or be struck down
are you prepared for everything that you could ever imagine
are you ingaged in the humility to remain humble
are you ready, because you will never be
and that is the journey, the end has yet to come

(c) since 2011 Ebony Larijani

Who Created Your Facts

Last night I talked about my experience at the VS Pink Private Shopping Spree, just briefly I wrote about it on my personal facebook page. My status was pretty long, both silly and fun. One thing I pointed out was that for the past few months I have been wearing the wrong bra size. Ladies, if you have never been measured for the correct bra size I encourage you to do so, it makes a difference in comfort.

Back to my bra size! When I mentioned that my size is actually BIGGER than I thought, I got a text from one of my female friends who shared how I am so lucky, because she is still in a SMALLER bra size. Who created her facts?!

I needed her to know that being bigger or smaller meant nothing. I needed to remind her that if someone made her think that her small breast were not worthy of something then she has been taught wrong. I needed her to know that it no longer matters to me if any part of my body is big or small, because that is what I have taught myself. I needed her to turn off her television, turn off her radio. Meditate on beauty, real beauty that comes from being herself. I needed her to do mirror affirmations. I needed her to dance in the mirror naked and comfortable. I needed her to be her.

Isn't it amazing that we never know how our status's, words, etc affect different people. I wondered who else got the wrong impression from my status? I want to tell you that being comfortable with thyself and loving thyself can be confused with being conceited if the person looking at your comfort and self love don't have it for themselves.

(c) since 2011 Ebony Larijani

Sit In The Space, Don't Sulk In The Void

A moment of honesty, so I decided to write about it.

I could never sit
not even as a child
I assume that's where I got the nickname 'boom'
I was told that I was so sure about walking that I took off at any chance given
and in a matter of moments
boom I went
why couldn't I just sit
I wonder if it hurt the first time
did it hurt Ebony
I wouldn't be able to answer that question
I was too young then
although I have found a book that takes you back to infant age and allows you to experience feelings you didn't realize you hid
oh well, who cares right now
so I didn't sit, I'm not sitting now either
I can't, I don't like it
to just sit
I use to love Admin positions
I don't any more
I don't think I have told myself that though
typing from my desk
I move around often
take trips to the bathroom and all the other departments
not to chat though
there is a lot of space here so why not walk around
I desire to be seen
I've always blamed it on the Leo in me
I'm no Lion though
a preacher a while ago told me I was
and I think for an entire day I felt so powerful yet calm
I carry their characteristics
my hair can be blow dried to the point of fluff
I love that look too
and my "I Love My Hair" shirt matches it perfectly
there's a void though
there has always been one
something is always missing
something will always be missing though
in my life, your life, their life, his life, her life, the entire world is missing something
a new pen, a dog, a cat, a bill, a dollar, a car, a spouse, a friend, a family member
I missed something the other day
can't even remember what it was
again, who cares
I sulk in voids
cause its not the missing things that bring me pain
it's the void
did you not know voids are things
they are late night drinks to soothe the thought
I've seen a friend love that void
they are unwanted/needed friends with benefits
seen that void too
they are drugs, it is shopping, it is food, it is lies, it is thoughts
it is too much for me to handle I am starting to notice
cause I don't write the checks here
I don't even have checks anymore
everything is automated
so why void
sulking in the void
because we know we don't need it
we know we would be better off without it
but it does fill something
what is it filling though
cause its nothing like what's missing
it's like a low grade of what is missing
I don't want to sulk anymore
so I can't do voids
I make it sound like a drug huh
I guess in a sense it is
it's an addiction to fill
I'm full though, I have no more desires...

(c) since 2011 Ebony Larijani