A New What

It is hard for one to make a New Year Resolution, when I make so many daily goals. What is a resolution anyways, how does it differ from goals/achievements/lessons/etc. Resolution is a firm decision to do or not to do something. Isn't that a goal, which defines achievements that took lessons? So this year I can't say I have a New Year’s Resolution, simply because I do this daily. And the digit of 12 turning to 13 is no different than the calendar days of 1-31 sometimes 30 and I don't stress doubling up on a goal to balance that missing last day.

It's a New Year, soon we will have a new season and from that we will have new ages and new places will find us if we don't find them first. Everything is new; each moment is a new moment. I can't suppress my mind to think that I need to make one huge promise (resolution) to myself to stop something or start something. That is just too much for my mind to handle. So if you ask what is my New Year’s Resolution I will be proud to say I don't have one, but if you follow me through the year you will see my morning goal, mid-day goal, full moon goal, half-moon goal, sunrise goal, rain goal, seasons changing goal, etc.

You may think that is too much for the mind to handle but it actually frees my mind to know that each moment; each event in life is a new beginning and new beginning free old/common ways.
Happy New Year to you all and let earth allow you to set resolutions/goals daily.

(c) 2011 Ebony Larijani

Made Wrong Right

I made this wrong thing right because I got tired of the fights, not between me and him, but between me and me. They were like little voices in my head, they didn't fear me, they just drove me crazy and made me think about things that really weren't. They told truth and then made me question, told lies and then made me transform them to truth. What mess had I gotten myself into?

It was more than a mess, it was a dirt pile, and instead of weeding through and making sense I somehow unconsciously seemed to wallow in it like a pig. I felt dirty, fat, ugly. I wiped my face only to turn to the other side and get it dirty again. I rubbed so hard that it smeared and smudged into my eyes and left me with semi sight.

There was something crazy about this dirt though. I liked it here, I kept coming back here. Bathed in it as if it was clear. Tried to shower in it but couldn't. Tried to build castles with it but it wasn't intended for that. Saw it as colorful and it held only brown. I tried to make it everything it wasn't and then I wondered why it kept letting me down. Letting me down, I think not, I was letting it down, I was trying to make it something it wasn't. It was put in my life to teach me something but what can it teach me if I try to learn off it based on my obligations and not what it was really. It was dirt, but it was my dirt and if I didn't accept it as that, then everything I made it out to be was unreal and unteachable.

You would be amazed with the things you can do with dirt. I became amazed how soft and sensual dirt is. I'm glad I finally allowed it to be what it is, or I may have kept running back to it looking for something that it never was.

(c) 2011 Ebony Larijani

Sexy Is Back

Where did we leave it, I have seen woman from the 18th Century in fully covered cloths and pinned up hair look amazingly stunning. No cleavage, no skinny jeans, no half tops showing off stomachs flat or round... I am bringing my sexy back, 18th Century sexy that is, where I'm clothed from head to toe, and I may place all of this long black hair in a tight bun... I want to walk with elegance and stumble on my heels with a giggle, I want to walk in a room and not be noticed because I desire less and left obligation of ego needing more... I want business suits and sweat suits to feel the same on me no matter how different it may look to the world... I want lip gloss that looks so dim against my genuine smile... My sexy is back and it has a modern sleek to it...

(c) 2011 Ebony Larijani

What At This Moment, Is Lacking?

I once read that Zen said it is good to ask yourself this often... "What at this moment, is lacking"? I asked myself this the other day and I came up with; nothing. I couldn't think of one thing that was lacking at the moment. I thought of things that I want different or want period, but nothing was lacking. How amazing is that feeling! I gasp for air in the realization because I didn't expect this to be my own answer.
 
I now ask myself this often, just so I can get the feeling of 'nothing' again. Along with this feeling other things become so true. Less is more, to be in the moment is bliss, without this there is still that, and it is what it is. Wow, a simple question that I thought would have my pen running out of ink turned into breathe.

(c) 2011 Ebony Larijani

The Skin

I wish I could wash you off my skin cause you itch me and here I go again, entertaining the thought of all the ways you gain control and I lose it to hours of questions and wonders and I sit in doubt and search in pain and feel the way I felt last time it rained, but in ego's presence what else can I do but hate, wait, relate and be it's bait...

(c) 2011 Ebony Larijani

I Love Love

I rise with affirmations of personal growth. I meditate of vibes deep within. I feel the essence of pure ego-less conception. I watch the life of the birds soar, confirming what the bible said that He even feeds the birds. Confirmation of my faith, overlooking all that does not fit into the minds thoughts. 

Behind a hidden cloud the sun peeks and I am in awe of the days blessings. Surely they are headed my way, I feel this and understand this to be true.

(c) 2011 Ebony Larijani

Writing Is A Gift

Writing is a gift, from God and to myself. Every time I write things release from me and I feel amazing. Writers block, I use to blame on the devil. But I have studied much about the mind and I learned not to blame everything on the devil. Sometimes it's my own mind who keeps me from fulfilling myself. See the ego knows what it wants, what it desires, but the problem is, it doesn't know how to get it. Spirit knows how! So as I experience writer's block, I say to myself, "ego I am removing you, because you have this desire with no idea how to fulfill". Suddenly my pen takes flight and I write. If that doesn't work I read my past writings and it stimulates me.

I write to right
and in my right mind
I write
not always on the right
so I hear the left is smart too
but eventually I write,
isn't that right
bright light, comes from
the light bulb of rite
and within I begin right
because I ended right

(c) 2011 Ebony Larijani

Loneliness Together

We are all here in search of home. We are all together, rising and falling. We are together and yet we are alone. Together we search for love by posting a status to inform the world what we are doing. Yet how many of us have reached out to our elders to share what we are going through. It says in the bible that the elders are to pray for us. 

How many of us have searched in ourselves to go home. Home is not the hard brick walls that surround us. Home is the soft loving inner self that entered this world in peace. Have you noticed how happy people are around babies? That is because babies remind us to love, laugh and be free. 

We are together on the road, texting searching for something that accidentally kills us. We are in shopping stores running into walls, tripping into each other because we are on our phones, again in search of things that are within. We are together every day and because you are not home, and I am not home, together we are alone. 

Reminds me of the story in the bible where they were on a journey for 40 years when they could have arrived in 11 days. 

We are so lost, yes you, me, we. Please go home to your inner self so we all may be in peace with ourselves and with each other.

(c) 2011 Ebony Larijani

Play In Paradise

I have been in deep thought about the event in CT. I have been at a loss of words, I have dropped to my knees and cried, not as if, but because I too am parent of those children that died. I am friend/sister/daughter to the adults that died. I am friend/stranger/neighbor/sister to the gunman. We all are!

We all need to feel some sort of did we do enough, are we doing enough? Are we changing the world together for better? I have no hate in my heart for the young boy who took so many lives, I can not bring my heart/mind to be angry at him, because I too fell short of saving him. And with obiedent honesty I say to you, you fell short too! I want you to think back over your past weeks, in traffic did you experience road rage. In the grocery store did you stand in line in silence or where you open to communicate with those in line with you. Did you show anger to someone who got your order wrong. Did you push/shove/knock during the holiday shopping rush? Are you awakening to what I am saying? Someone needed you to be the one with the smile, the one with the kind words, because who you affect, the next affects.

What if today, what you do will affect a neighbor two doors down, and tomorrow she will have opportunity to react different in silence and sound, and she will affect two states over when the travel reaches corner to corner, and two states over will touch oceans and seas apart when another boards a plane with open heart, and when air touches land and a gentlemen shakes a hand, the affect still began with you, and here we are face to face strangers amongst the crew, and as I turn, you turn and our shoulders brush and I give you a warm welcome feeling that you lack in touch, and because you felt something so deep, we describe it as Gods sheep, just as you sit to load your gun we replay the events of the world today... can you view the flash, scenes on play, rewinding to the beginning of ones day, when cause and affect began at dusk, and the bullets could have easily been unloaded in the middle of loves trust, had the last person to see this young boy, been the first stranger who saw you today receiving unconditional love per God's request, maybe this gun mans pain could have been defeated had the devil not put him to the test, knowing we all were too busy to give/love more and be self-less...

(c) 2011 Ebony Larijani

Memory

I can recall, I will probably remember often, because that’s how I was built to hold onto, remember when, and keep clue… I sure do remember today, but others don’t, I easily sink in the feeling, others have to be reminded… I wasn’t in substance, I was in clear view… I even paused, no I stopped on my intake because I vividly saw what it can do… I was in a role that was not even mine, girlfriend, wife, quite friend, but in mind I didn’t mind… I doubled the fun, doubled the children that I take was subject to raise from… I was the friend of everyone lost, I listened with ease because I didn’t want anyone to loss their worth at their own cost… 

(c) 2011 Ebony Larijani

When Do You Cry

When do you cry young man, do you know how to release... when do you break, and understand the need to weep... I see you stand, I've seen you fight... but at what point can someone other then yourself stand upright... where do you go when the job won't hire, how do you feed the child and the woman you admire... do you get on your knees, have you ever seen God from that view... or does he only become a vision after your man has been shot down to death right beside you... does child birth bring you to tears or force you to armor up more... are you intimated by the daughter or son who might be yours... do you read, do you write, I have heard your spit a rap, but that was in the midst of drunken bottles and weed pass... where do you go cause we all need a place, we all need a time, we all need to face... where are you now, tired at work, imprisoned with pain, husslin on the corner, laying in someone else's bed, overseas on battle, angry in your mothers home, homeless or alone... where do you go, when do you cry, please sit still and allow the tears to deplete your pride...

(c) 2011 Ebony Larijani