The Mirror

Last night I went to the gym with myself, it was different than what I have been doing. Teaming up with a friend as a motivator to get the hour and half work out in 4 times a week. Yet last night I had to be my own motivator, I had to push through the cardio and I kept telling myself, let go, release and how easy this will be. I needed that sweat pouring, dropped down pony tail, body sore, giving my all feeling to hit me like the music that blasted in my ears. There was so much around me; people. That one word alone was enough for me to concentrate on something else; them.
As my Pandora locked in the middle of my run I thought, not now, don't do this to me. How could I possibly run on this treadmill without my music to zone me out. As I decided to leave it stuck and not attempt to run and change stations at the same time the music started. I laughed at myself, something I do often and I find it liberating.
Ten minutes later I realized I had nothing in sight but my feet, as I was looking down at the pace I was going. I ran like I needed to, just enough to release whatever was stuck in me. Moving on to other machines in the gym my workout was very enjoyable. Sweat dripping off of me and I could not stop it. I allowed all of the sweat to pour out of me because it needed to and I needed it to.
When I arrived home I wanted to look in the mirror, but I was so weak that I could only make it to the shower and into my bed. I rose this morning eager to look in the mirror, as if that workout was going to change my appearance in a matter of hours. I decided not to look, instead I told myself "I love my body". I got dressed and again I wanted to look in the mirror, to approve what I'm not really sure, but I decided not to and again I told myself "I love my body". I unwrapped my hair from my scarf and all of my curls fell to my face, I loved what I saw. Dark, curly and fluffy, the smell of my oils that ran through from my scalp to the ends was refreshing. I never looked in the mirror not once, but I remembered my shower the night before, how the water washed over my body and my hair fell over me with such beauty. I kept saying to myself "I love my hair". And that had changed in a matter of hours, the simple spoken words of truth. I didn't need a mirror to look in, only to cause me to ponder on the question if I really did love it or not, all I needed was my own confirmation.

"Put your mirrors away for a few days and find out who and what you truly are"

(c) since 2011 Ebony Larijani