The Turning Pedals

So I have been on a biking journey, pedaling every morning within different areas of the world. It has seemed to be an adventure, a good one of course or I would not be eager to rise at 6am and soar through the morning turning pedals and sighting differences in me as well as the world. My choice of music at first was something loud and full of energy to get my feet and legs going. Then I seemed to change, I wanted relaxing music, not to get me through the ride but to keep me "IN" the ride. I didn't want this to feel like the everyday workout that you have to push yourself through. This was my morning ride and this was nice especially since I'm gaining the benefits of both mind and body enjoyment.

Yes, I was a little kid again on some days. However the unbalanced sway took me to a giggle. I can't do it like I use to, you know that hands free ride. I'm sure I can though, just not yet. But if I did it back then, by all means I can choose to do it again. I think my favorite part was the after affects. That moment you get off the bike and your legs are numb and you are walking but feel like your still riding. Or maybe it was those steep side streets that I always smiled at and thought "why not" as I turned up them, now standing up in full pedal mode reaching the top to turn around and come flying back down.

What lovely memories this bike has brought me about my childhood and what a great journey it has had me pedalling through.

(c) 2011 Ebony Larijani

I Search Earth, Not The Medicine Cabinet

It may be rare to many...

"Go cut a piece of Aloe for me and bring it in" 

My children here this often...

A skin cut, aloe..., face mask, aloe..., morning shake, aloe...

I remember when Angelou Maya said "It has already been paved for you" and yes it has! My ancestors already knew this way, it was just lost along the way. But pavement always stands firm...

(c) 2011 Ebony Larijani

My Pillow Rocks Beats

I can't believe all these years I was missing the beat
Drunk in clubs tapping my feet
Stumbling into arms of strangers
That became friends
and then danger
My pillow rocks a nice beat
I lay amongst it stretched out feet
Scripting the night away with my own facts
No harassing or shoulder taps
Meditation vibes draping through the speakers
No dress code
under the bed, heels and sneakers
Breathing practices, release of all
Slightly opened window to inhale it all
Last call may be 1, 2 or 3 AM
no repeated prayer of please get me home safe again


(c) 2011 Ebony Larijani

Perfection, Not My Style

Perfection is not my style, perfection has no interest in my life. I want to be free to express myself and I want to be free to show my human ways. I want to be honest when I script about life and things going on. Shame does not lie here because the lie would be shameful. I want you to know that if I feed you a bible verse it is possible that I found it in the center of my own tears, in search of something to feed me better then what I had been feasting on. I want you to know that the poem I wrote yesterday could be the product of what I became when I was sitting in my counceling session. I want you to know that my friends are not perfect and the way I treat them at times is pretty darn rude, but the result of this is honesty when both friends realize our lack. I want you to know that I cheated on life when I cheated as a wife leaving opportunity for a damaged future. I want you to know that I found affirmations to share with you the day I realized my mind made me feel like I had split personalities. I want you to know that humility finds me often and it creates a overflow of alphabet letters when spilt in embarrassment. I want you to know that hiding my mistakes would shape something so cracked and broken, and I don't want you to see through me, I want you to see me. The real me, flaws and all...

(c) 2011 Ebony Larijani

The Opposite Sex Friendship

They went from cheating on the one's they loved
To breaking their own hearts by staying away
Then they rewrote their friendship
And now that they are the best of friends
He often asks if there is something wrong with him
And she often feels like she isn't good enough
Because the ego inside them both won't let them see
That they have a beautiful bond
A high level of self respect
And an awareness of the relationship between male and female friends
Because when they are together
Everything stays on, even down to her sweater

(c) 2011 Ebony Larijani

Writers Block

She couldn't script what she was thinking
to busy worried about others thinking
wondering, curious, consumed
no thinking about her self
except to wonder how they had her labeled on the shelf
and so she was left without script
and everything lay bare on the tip
she walked stressed
returning to her floor in and out of penmanship

(c) 2011 Ebony Larijani

A Waisted Day

Have you ever done nothing all day. Only for the day to come to an end and you felt like it was waisted. Then you put guilt on yourself only to wish you could start it over again, but you can't. Now your angry that you waisted it and to make things worse you can't start it over again.

What defines a waisted day? The fact that you had baskets full of laundry that didn't get done. Dinner that never got cooked. Writing that never got done. Cleaning that is still in it's mess.

How do you overcome that feeling at 5pm? You don't, you just accept it. Not everything has to have an outlet of a way of overcoming. Some things just need to be accepted. So what I waisted my day. I enjoyed doing nothing and I accept the fact that I should have done something, but I didn't and that is that.

(c) 2011 Ebony Larijani

The Baby And Toddler Are Still Within

Have you ever noticed that a baby cries and then in a few moments is giggling and then moves on to angry. The toddler has a tantrum for about 2 minutes and then is the happiest toddler around. Are we any different as adults? I guess we have been shaped to believe we are. As an adult getting angry causes others to talk about you, crying you are made fun of or told your weak and even being happy sometimes is questioned. But I ask you, what happened? When did we become unimportant? Why as an adult are others not running to us with help like everyone runs to hold the baby? "We know better" is that what your thinking? Well what if we don't know better, what if we only know what we were taught or what we are experiencing.

Before you are quick to judge yourself or another for any emotion you are going through please remember, the baby and toddler is still within us.

(c) 2011 Ebony Larijani

Letters to Love The Soul

It has been a month now and there are several people who are participating in Letters to Love the Soul. I started this through my Vivid Mirror Organization as a way to release and renew. I thought about how many of us share the same experiences in life and what a great idea it would be to share these things without being judged. Sure we all have that girl or guy that we run to and tell everything, but have you ever felt like maybe their ear needed a break or like you were pouring so much on them that they were beginning to judge you?

Letters to Love the Soul is the place for anyone, whether you feel like your life is spiraling down or up you can script about it.

Every Friday you write a Letter to your Soul, releasing whatever you want to get out that week, the letters are turned in without your name on it to vividmirror@yahoo.com. From there your letter will go to another person in the group, this person has a wonderful opportunity to read your release and then script back to you by Monday with encouraging words or many things in common.

Wow, what a great feeling you have when your letter is replied to, who is this person with so much love and understanding of what I am going through. And how good I feel that I could get everything out but my name. As excitement sets in your ready to take the suggestions they gave you and begin to turn your life around and meanwhile since you too are writing someone back you are filled with joy that you were able to help someone as well.

If you are interested in this please send your Love Letter to your Soul to the above email address by Friday (Saturday afternoon the latest). If you want to take a break at any time you are more then welcome to, you may need to do some re-reading of your old letters or talking with God. Flutter like the feather and be free to come and go with your scripting as you please.

(c) 2011 Ebony Larijani

That Friday Frenzy

It's that Friday Frenzy when everyone seems to have a pep in their step. It's that feeling over the weekend is near. But what does your weekend consist of? If it's something exciting then you probably can't wait for this Friday to end, sharing here and there what your weekend plans are. If you have plans that are a bit stressful to you or worrisome you might not be that excited about today. It may just be a day closer to what you don't want to do.
I pray that you study your emotions close and I ask that the excited one be joyful at all times and that the stressful worried one do the same. We need to focus on not allowing situations to be the determination of our attitude. Where are your emotions today?

I Don't Hear A Thing

Day 3 of a week of no TV! The car tires passing by have been my meditation this week as the TV use to over power this sound. Stimulating my curiosity I often try to guess the type of car passing by. The crackling of the walls as the AC turns on is such a loud sound without the distraction of TV. The dark room is pleasantly light free, not even my digital clock glares to much. What a joy to see the darkness that the TV once distracted, or lighted should I say for better choice of word.
Two more days feels like its to short, I know I won't be rushing to turn the TV on this weekend because I don't feel that I'm missing anything. Grateful for the self discipline and much awareness.

(c) 2011 Ebony Larijani

What Goes... Does Come In Return

I'm on Day 16 of my Gratitude Journey and the Law of Attraction is evident in my daily life. I have been giving gratitude to everything possible from financial aspect to the cutest nail polish I own. Why would anything in life go unannounced that we are thankful. I have been blessed with things of simplicity. For instance I have noticed increases coming into my bank account from areas that I use to complain about. I have had people in stores pass the cart that they walked all the way over to get on to me with a smile and a sincere joy in allowing me to have the cart which sends them back again to get another one. I have had people wave to me through their review mirror to say thank you for letting them into this lane and I have waived back giggling and then saying a silent prayer for them. I have felt the wind blow and give me a soft kiss and a pleasant hug and the person beside me felt no wind at all. I am creating my life. I am attracting what I want and need to journey through. I am not perfect, I am not bragging. I am hoping to allow others to realize you can attract anything you want in life. And even when you don't feel as if some of the things you are attracting is good, still be thankful. Because a little good mixed with a little bad is the affirmation of balance, and so you attracted balance, not bad. Remember we are always attracting... Namaste

(c) 2011 Ebony Larijani

The Pace To Nowhere

He paced his kitchen floor in hopes to go somewhere
anywhere
but here
He walked up his stairs and down his stairs
limited to the basement level
he was lost in his time
and it seemed to be all the time
brotherly love had him on the grind
and children set him back to find
that in the pace of lost we begin to wonder
and as the night falls so did the Hennessy bottle
under age or over age it never mattered who sip'd
and it didn't matter either what came out your mouth
be it slick
was this the devils castle or Gods work in progress
10 different souls under one roof
who is the first to be living proof
as he paced the sidewalk right outside his home
his right foot kept telling him to run away from home
and the left foot said there is no place to go
and the devil frowned as he stated he needed God to know
that all these damaged bodies can not lay faith on him
he was a man but a young boy at heart trying to survive within
and when the pacing back and forth brought about words of truth
he focused in on every one's placement
bringing negatives to truths
asking questions that he has no vision to understand
and stating lines like we live in a materialized wonderland
half drunk or in shock bystanders were not alert at the time
just a ear as he untwisted in the pace of unwind
and when all was said and he could say no more
his pace took him right back to his own front door

(c) 2011 Ebony Larijani

The Dropped Call

Are the words meant to be said as they roll off the tongue
Was I just in a state of vent that was left undone
Tempted to bite my tongue and remain unspoken
Enough of that though, I'm speakin more then chockin
Conversation on the rise as the term "hold back" is put aside
In the middle of getting it all of the chest
Dial tone
Call dropped
I guess the wind was meant to sweep in the rest

(c) 2011 Ebony Larijani

The Ego

I read an article; several articles about the Ego, indeed it made my jaw drop. I remember how I use to sing Beyonce's song "I Got A Big Ego". I thought that song was empowering, representing how confident I am of myself. Let me tell you this... everything but confidence and love resides in that song. Journey through your ego, because you don't want it to be big, let alone be anything.

Realizing when the Ego began has me questioning my well being in the site of others.  For me it confirmed we come into this life alone, we die alone. And if we can't all understand what this life is truly about honesty I sometimes think we would be better off living through it alone too. 

At birth we are not aware of ourselves, we are aware of our parents; usually our mother to be exact. We are satisfied with the love we get from our parents by every giggle and cry we make. Fascinated with ourselves we start to realize what to do when we are hungry for attention and after we feed the attention, we are satisfied... well the ego is. At what point do you think we become aware of who we are if we are always in the midst of satisfying someone else and sadly know how to satisfy them?

As we age we start to see who likes our hair, who likes our shape, who likes our shoes, who likes the way we talk, walk, etc. We are so eager to please others to fulfill our ego which is constantly hungry to be fed. So again I ask, when do we know who we are because from birth we have pleased others.

The ego is an illusion and it is said that we must live through the illusion in order to find the real. The fear is falling into belief of the illusion, because it is easily seen and the real is unseen. It takes knowledge to realize that our true self is what we naturally carry within us. Knowing your lost in your ego is terrifying yet the opening of a healing, a self finding. Not knowing you are lost the ego controls your every move.

Often we sit and we wonder why are we so miserable? It is because the ego is fake, like plastic I read. It will never truly be happy because it is not real, yet we keep feeding it and wondering why we are so unhappy. We can not dismiss  the ego because it is here; however what we understand we can control. That is the key to joy, to understand and know who you are. Once you know who you are, what you are not will wither away, like a feather from a bird. The bird does not keep plucking feathers saying "I am not this, I am not this". The bird lives, glides, soars and knows what it is, and on it's own (like the ego) the feather just passes, falls high from the sky of the soaring bird. The bird I'm sure does not even see it's gone, but it is. Not only is the glide now differently felt it is also differently seen and has no want to conform to the site of another.

It is in the try over and over that you find the definition of "be". If you have found it you know it is so beautiful, because your true existence is beauty. The ego bares many lonely ugly things, yet still we feed something so ugly. To "be", nothing need be fed.

Journey through the fake, know who you are,

allow the ego to pass and by all means...

Just Be...

(c) 2011 Ebony Larijani

What Is Your Age

With many birthdays approaching this month, including my own. I am finding that "how old are you" was a phrase created to worry the mind. How old am I? Omg, they want to know how old am I, they want to compare me to their own age or someone else. They want to remind me of wrinkles and hard of hearing. Those things that make us feel staying in our 20's forever is the place to be. Yet I'm sure those of you that are past that age know we have no desire to go back do we.

What is your age? Wow, they want to know about me, nothing in comparison to dig into, just insight on life... my life, the journey I have been through. The things that make me proud to state my age and all the amazing things that come with it, knowledge, wisdom, grace. Thank you for asking, because what a blessing it is to be my age.

(c) 2011 Ebony Larijani