Here it is morning time and my mind is minding its thoughts, they are good thoughts though. I was just reading all of my inspirational emails/blogs/letters/books/bible/etc that I like to start each day with. They either change me or move me to write.
I have done a lot of reading in my adult hood and I have been noticing things about myself along the way. Sometimes I choose long books, 200 plus pages and I'm so excited about it as I begin to read, and then something happens. I seem to end; not the book but I just put it down unfinished. I come across another book and I get just as excited about that one, and then another and another and another. In a week I am sure that I am picking up 7 different books and reading a little bit from each of them.
A few weeks ago I read 2 short powerful books in 2 days. I noticed that I felt more of an accomplishment when I read shorter books, with pages less then 50. Of course I did because I was completing them. And there is something about the word completion that us humans love. But these big books had things in them I needed to hear too. I figured I would be hard on myself and only read one book at a time and keep myself from picking up another book until I finished one. Now this idea sounded good, but I am not one of those people that can sit down and just read an entire book in one day. So there went that idea out the window. Then I told myself the problem is I just don't have time to fulfill this desire to read. Two days later I came across the book "So You Don't Have Time". This time I had to laugh at myself, because again there went that excuse out the window.
So I gave up on thinking finishing a book or not was an accomplishment or failure. I dazzled in the time I did have to read, I judged not in the time I was suppose to be reading but didn't. I just read when I read and when I didn't, well I just didn't. This care free attitude made me realize it wasn't about gaining knowledge, it was more about experiencing it. Whether it was coming to page 1 of 300 or 20 of 20. I was reading for the words that made me shift, literally in my seat, with my pen/journal and in my life. I think it was the still moments in between that had me venture off to a different book or in search of a new book. Was I doing this in life too? Was I becoming bored with relationships, daily schedule, career, etc. Was I a person that was too quick to pick up and force change, instead of going through life sticking it out until 'it' made me shift?
I always give myself a project on Monday mornings that I plan to work on throughout the week and so next week I will focus on the shifts. Not all of the things in between, but the shift.
(c) since 2011 Ebony Larijani
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