Self-help Doesn't Work, Without Self Acceptance

I read The Daily Love every morning and this morning it amazed me how my reading had much to do with my daily thoughts over the past two weeks.

It started a week ago when a friend of mine had asked to borrow a book. "Not my book, not the book that I just really couldn't get into reading because it made me feel strange, kind of too deep for me. Not my book that has been siting collecting dust because I can't force myself to pick it up again. Not my book". Isn't that a human nature that comes out so easy, is it competition or fear or misunderstanding? Who knows what it is, but I had it bad. With awkward force I picked up the book a few times before I had given it to this friend and each time I picked it up, I set it down only to read the book that was under it. I had to silence my thoughts of "she is going to be better then me if she reads this book before me cause I know it can be life changing".

Here I was once again not feeling good enough, trying to keep up with whatever lay in my eye sight. As I prayed about the situation I remember hearing "you aren't ready for this and so why are you trying to balance on a beam not constructed for your feet". It was time to deliver the book. I find it ironic what happened next. The day I delivered the book I jogged it to my friend, I don't know why because this was way out of my jogging let alone walking range. But there I was on a cloudy day, with come and go rain, jogging with this book in a book bag on my back. In case your thinking it; yes I have a car, there are 3 cars in my driveway. So here I am in cool weather that I normally don't like either, with my earphones in and my jog in full gear. Half way there I realized this jog was a mistake and my car would have been a better choice, but I kept jogging. When I felt weak I praised God for my feet and my legs. I have taken care of people who are wheelchair bound so how selfish of me to dislike this jog. When my breath became weak I praised Him because I have had a child that out grew asthma and I thought how selfish of me to dislike this jog.

When I reached the home I felt joy come over me, I had made it. I had done what God intended for me that day and I didn't do it the easy way. I was moved to do it the tough way. As the book touched her hands I knew it had reached its home and I knew the person who stood in front of me was a petal-less woman once and I was excited to see the stem this book would create for her. As I left to head home I was filled with energy and passion. I began to jog and the rain began to fall, I smiled because for the first time I was doing something that I had never done. I was jogging in the rain and it felt so good. God was washing away all of the feelings I had about myself over this book. I ran so fast and with such excitement that I got home faster then it took me to get there. I was wet, I was with breath, I was sore, I was so tired that it felt so good. I was released and I was renewed.

Days had gone by and here I was standing in another friends house, and unexpectidly, she was giving me a book. I opened the book when I got home and it was amazing, I could not put it down, it spoke about things that I needed to hear and understand. It recommended other books by different authors. I'm now 5 chapters in and have received such moving words. What I realized was that 'this' book was the right one for me. God knew that, but weeks ago I did not. I began to focus on my thoughts, my minds weakness and its strengths. I realized that I was not ready for the many books that I have passed along for others. Nor am I now or ever ready to walk their journey. I can't keep up with them because I haven't accepted myself. All of the self help books that I read simply because she did, he did or they did were not helping me. I now know what I need. My mind is rather amazing because it does things like goes from up to down in a matter of seconds. It feeds off its surroundings and sometimes that's dangerous. It needs discipline, strength and guidance.

Today I read an article "Self-help doesn't work without Self Acceptance" and it shocked me. It talked about all of the things you can do to help yourself but none of it will work if you don't accept yourself. Who can you help if you don't know who you are helping? What an amazing past few weeks I have had and what a beautiful journey it brought me to today. Well, let me go and take up my next journey, who knows where it will take me. But at least I am ready to know 'who' is on the journey.... I am :)

(c) 2011 Ebony Larijani