The Aftermath Reflection

I spent a hours indoors, not by choice but by power. Earthly power, wind force, rain fall; Sandy was her name. I felt trapped until I defined what trapped means. It is used when speaking about animals; to capture them and keep them within, against their will. Most often when animals are trapped they become aggressive, restless, and sometimes violent. By no means was I trapped.

It was time for me to search why I was indoors.Why did God shut down everything? I can assume because the Wall Street worker took no time off to spend with his family. The Doctor missed all his children's school plays. The single mother had no idea what her children were doing after school. The rush hour was causing stress for too many. The dedicated worker was providing reports without a single recognition. Whom was I to judge the reasons?  Something was meant to be found and I was the only one responsible for finding everything out, but only about myself.

While most were in a state of panic or fear I knew that wasn't my normal state, so I found no comfort there. Most filled up on food and water. I stacked up on food, water, books, projects. Some sat and watched the news report every minute of Sandy's path. I watched the pages flip in my bible, and the pen grace my paper. I wondered if it was the last days what was I proud of, what needed to change. I wasn't fearful though, I knew it wasn't the last days, I knew it was a time to understand my life. I thought about no one but myself, not selfishly, but honestly, seriously and genuinely.

I colored like a child because I needed to find what still held me captive in my adult years from my childhood. I finger painted, because I needed to know it was okay to make a mess. I wrote until my hands hurt because I needed to understand pain is good. I listened to the sound of dolphins because I wanted to know we are all one. I allowed emotions to fill me no matter who judged me, even if the only one judging was me. I felt everything; when the wind hit, I felt weak. When the rain fell I felt wet. When the temperature changed I felt cold. Nothing was hidden from myself.

By midnight my list of affirmations was two pages long. I couldn't believe it but just to look over the pages made me smile. My letters were deep and honestly written. My mind was so at peace that all I knew was nothing. It was freedom, and to be free in the middle of a hurricane was a blessing.

I don't know what time I fell asleep? I remember ending my night on my knees in true submission to my Heavenly Father. Thanking Him for protection and asking Him for protection. I remember oiling myself down with my Lavender Oil, putting my hair in a bun and resting on a bible as soft as my pillow.

Thank you Sandy for being as powerful as you were. For you allowed me to be as powerful as I am.

(c) 2012 Ebony Larijani