In the middle of a great book, there is a knock at my door. Not my front door that could easily be ignored but my bedroom door and I can't ignore my children. In the sweat of a great work out, my phone rings and I don't want to chance this breath to answer in near breathless conversation, but I can't ignore my husband. In the middle of writing in my book, beep beep, a text comes through, but I can't chance missing a possible emergency to write a few more words. In the desire to finger paint all day, I get a call from a close friend who wants to go out and have some fun.
Are these distractions? They once were and they distracted me so easily that they angered me. I felt I had no time to myself. I opened doors with anger, answered phones with hate, ventured out with frustration. I was a living mess and I made myself that way. I read once that if we allow life to guide us we find more peace in even the worst distractions. So I had to change the word I was using, I no longer get distracted because it is not any ones intent to distract me.
And what do I do on those days when no one calls, no one knocks, everyone is too busy for me. Awe; I smile and stretch and become aware of my oneness and I bask in the idea that I have so much time with myself that I am startled by peace and thankful for it.
My life went from frustrating "I don't have time for myself" thoughts to, "this is great, alters in my life that better me". Now when I am drifted by others actions I take the time to script about it. Or I use this as an opportunity to laugh with myself and appreciate how loved I am by myself and others.
(c) 2011 Ebony Larijani
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